Telling people about the pregnancy

 

When people started to know.

In this pregnancy we wanted to try and keep it quiet for a while, having only close friends knowing. So we told Ron and Scott, Lukasz and one of my friends from work who was 14 weeks at the time. She is a Support staff I work with and had been there for me when I came back after losing Nico. Then after a few weeks when Ben had early bleeding he had to tell his managers at work, also having so many appointments they needed to know. Then my deputy headteacher who was also the one supporting me and Ben when he worked at the same school and when we lost Nico. She pulled me a side when my work colleagues announced their pregnancy to make sure I was okay, we were about 8 weeks at this point so I shared with her that Ben was expecting too. She was so happy for us and now is the one I can go to talk to and that deals with my days off for appointments. I also work for her outside of the school, caring for her son so she is more then just my manager and been so supportive. We are very thankful for all the support we have got.

So it was fine as only those we wanted and who needed to know did, however with Ben's family nothing stays secret for long. Especially because we see them every Sunday. We went to Margate and he was tired and was not playing around with the kids as much because he could not pick them up and rough play like he normally did. Then when his cousin Vicky come up to London a few weeks later Ben had a headache and asked for paracetamol. it was just him and Vicky in the room and she just said are you?? Ben told her as she guessed. She said she could tell because of how he was acting and that she would not tell anyone. Then not long after that he was sick and was eating ginger nut biscuits, so his aunt then said hold on your eating ginger nuts, your always tired and got headache and now being sick. She also guessed because he was eating less roast but more veg. She did not want to say anything, in case she was wrong, but the ginger nuts and him being sick confirmed it. So then his aunt and cousin Vicky knew and Ellie because she over hears. Not long after because we were then talking about it his Nan found out but she did not really say anything to us.

We still wanted to keep it quiet from other extended family and the kids. The kids knew about Nico and still talk about him which is lovely, saying our baby is in heaven with James (Their dad) and JJ (Their brother/cousin).  But they have lost too many people so we do not want them to know or get excited until we are further along and that baby is here. (later Ben 4 year old cousin also guessed she is too clever) We were past the 18 weeks at this point however still to early to say anything. Ruby had obviously overhead conversations within Ben's family, as she is very good at picking up on things. We were round his aunts when they were up from margate. while Ben was resting on the sofa she points to his belly and says what is in there? Ben pulled his phone out his hoodie pocket and said my phone. She was like no in there, pointing again but, then rushed of to play. Later she ate an apple pip and we were tensing her about how she will grow an apple tree in her belly. she came out with well you have a baby growing in your belly. As she goes all giggle and shy, when she knows or says something she should not. She is just too clever and we could not lie, but did just brush it off to change subject as do not want her getting over excited. the other two are still very young and do not take much notice. 

We had a scan at 8 weeks and then made a Easter card for my dad and family as we were going down for Easter. Some of Ben family now knew and my dad and step mum Kim, are so supportive. Also I know that with Ben's sickness being so bad, Kim and my step sister Jess would also guess. We went to my dad's on the Friday, my brother and dad were oblivious. My dad even thought Ben's anti-sickness patch behind his ear was some new piecing.  Then as soon as we went to Jess's fiancee's birthday party, they noticed Ben's patch and how tired and drained he looked. Jess took us aside and asked if Ben was pregnant, then later that night Kim guessed too. Ben got so tired Jess took him to lay down on the sofa in the side room. Everyone else was asking if he was okay my brother Jordan and his girlfriend Lauren had heard him being sick earlier and were asking if he was sick, As the night went they all knew. It was just my dad that did not know. The next morning we told my dad and gave him the card which had the 8 week scan on it. They were all so happy and pleased, my dad spoke to us a lot about it on the drive home which was really nice. 

Now we are 12 weeks and our close family know, I am still yet to tell my mum and my step dad Alan, this is because last time she knew early and told all my family when me and Ben did not want everyone to know. My family were supportive and were pleased for us last time. But it was not my Mum's place to tell anyone, this time I am not telling her until we are ready and later on. This is because our danger zone is now past 16 weeks and by 24 weeks the hospital have the laws and equipment to try and save the baby if they are born early. We would also know and have the cervical Stitch put in by then if Ben needed it. Therefore we would then be ready to tell other family and work colleagues. plus Ben would be showing by this point. 

Also we posted our blog and shared the pregnancy with Nico on YouTube, Facebook and Instagram, this time we do not want to do this until later stages of the pregnancy and social media to wider people until the baby is actually here. I will post this blog at 24 weeks pregnant sharing with those who have followed our story from the started when it was just a plan to then have Nico and now with our rainbow. those who have been there, supported us and will continue to support us. 

(Written at 12 weeks, add and updated at 17 weeks)