Christmas 2020

 Ariyah-mai's 2nd Christmas

Last year was amazing with it being ariyah first Christmas however she was only 9 weeks old. So she didn't really understand and slept for most of it. I had also just had surgery was was very busy time.

This year we wanted to make it special, as it felt like her first proper Christmas. We did have plans over christmas to have friends  over and see family however covid restricted that yet again. Now we in Teri 4 which is the newest hightest restriction that basically are the same as the  original lockdown in March. Everything but essential shops closed, no one can met another household even out doors. One exception this time was we were allowed a support bubble which we had originally formed with a friend and her baby when thee 1st lockdown eased. 

Leading up to Christmas ariyah loved the Christmas decorations, as we went for walks she was mesmerised by all the lights and blow up Santa's outside everyone's houses. She got so excited when we went out, we also did some baking, Christmas decorations making and just spent lots of time together. As well as sorting out the house, by having a big clear out and clean. 

We rearranged her bedroom to make it more grown up with a book and toy storage unit her great nanny and grandad got her early for Christmas. Therefore some of her books and toys could go upstairs, she now had her own little sofa and bigger wardrobe. All ready for her new stuff. Me and Ben treated ourself to a new wardrobe and sorted everything in our room and the house out which felt good to have a clear head and house to spend quality time together and relax at Christmas. 

Before the restriction set in we were able to go London and see people, take ariyah and theo to see santa. As well as see our niece and her two Daddies, (who I have mentioned before in this blog)

Then even with restrictions we were able to still make it special. Whilst it ruined some plans but we worked around it, not letting it stop this year being special. 

On the 22nd we had a mini Christmas day with amie our support bubble and the kids. It was very special watching them open presents, play and bond. There connect is magical. Ariyah loves them so much and started really nothing theo, as well as cuddling andd kissing amie which is does rarely to other people. But she got very loving and cuddly with us more too. Wee had a little Christmas dinner then chilled out all together. It was so nice. 

On Christmas eve we gave her some presents others had sent us, then gmdid her Xmas eve box. Which we made, with personlised pj for that night, slippers, a book, colouring book. And crayons, snowman toy and that's not my book. Along with a Christmas late, cup and her own personalised metal cutely set. That afternoon we went to amie's where we did door step karaoke with the street. It was really lovely ariyah was running round, dancing stealing the show. Once home and ariyaah was in bed. Me aand bed build her main presents, put them all under thhe tree and had takeaway. 

Christmas day was very special to watch ariyaah. Walk down the stairs and into the room, seeing her presents thhe Christmas lights she was amazed, saying wow. Her main present from us was a indoor trampoline which she absolutely loved. She was so excited jumping on it. It took her a few time to then actually learn to jump fully in the air. 

Her other presents we scattered throught the day and even on boxing day because she got every overwhelmed with all the new toys to play with. 

My mum step dad did a door step visit to give ariyah her presents few days before, to see her. Then we did a zoom call on Christmas day so they could watch her open them. We also zoomed the whole family to say merry Christmas. We got a glimpse of my newest baby cousin who was born just before Christmas.

On the 27th  my dad and step mum come down to do a door stop present drop off. We did go for a social distance walk with them as they had thhe dog. Ariyah loved trying to run after the dog shouting blue and wooding at him. It was lovely to see them.

The next feww days we just relaxed, and watched films. Ariyah-mai actually sat, cuddled with us for some of the films, in bitss and pieces. But she had lots new toys to play with too. She loved her new baby bits and pram. Feeding them and pushing them around it was so cute. She growing up so mucch and wee aare able to cherish every moment all together and just be together as a family. Making memories despite this year. 

Hopefully 2021 brings more joy and freedom to everyone, that in time we can all get back to some what normal life wee the new life after such a huge pandemic. We wish you all a great Christmas and a happy new year. Here to good things to come. 

1 year of parenting.

            Parenting is hard:                  Everyone struggles!          It's ok. 

We have now reach a huge milestone that our baby is 1 years old. This last year has brought so much joy, memories, sadness, exhaustion and celebrations. But in honest as much as this year as been the best it's also been very hard. I have documented and written about Ariyah's milestones as well as challenges we have faced throught this year. However haven't really be  honest with how I have been, well both of us individually and as a couple. I have hidden alot of the struggles, keeping them behind closed doors. But now I think more then ever it is time to talk about it. I didn't mainly because I was always convincing myself that it was all rosy and would just get better. Which of course it did in time, I feel that is why I can talk about it now

Where as I myself have struggled for many reasons, I have only just really been able to fully talk about my experience in fatherhood, with postnatal feelings. There is a lot of stigma around postnatal depression especially more so for dads then mum's. Fortunately I do not think I fully do have postnatal depression however I have really struggled, at times felt like I was just a failure to our children. It took me a long time to understand these feeling, to then be about to talk to Ben let alone express them publicly. 

I want to write this post because it's okay to not feel over the moon, in love, so happy all the time. Humans have fluctuations in there emotions and state of mind which is all acceptable. Therefore I want to just write this post to show support, breaking that stigma to protest that parenting is hard, harder then you could ever imagine or been told. Obviously it is worth it and there are great high points, proud heartwarming moments, while day to day can be channelling for many reasons. 

I want to break that stigma in all parent but mainly dads or the partner who did not carry the baby. 

So as you will all know if you been following or caught up reading all my post you will be able to recall that the pregnancy was very high risk, stressful and just terrifying. Due to losing Nico, then not having large amounts of support it made it harder. Then there been many challenges we were not prepared for. 

Some of these are physical, or just life environmental happening while many were emotional. Some of the points that presented as challenging as and that we found very difficult were-

Reflux/silence reflux- this was hard from the very beginning. Where Ariyah-mai was projectile vomiting everywhere all the time. She screamed in pain, especially when she was put down or laid on her back. None of us got any sleep and she still is not a good sleeper. To watch your baby grunnt,, cry, vomit andd choke, knowing their in pain and there was nothing we could do to stop it. 

She ended up in hospital being tube feed, then many other times because of rashes, food reactions or just general being so unwell because of her reflux.

At times as a parent it felt like we could not help her, nothing we could do would calm her, make her sleep better or anything. We were having to watch her suffer, being soo ill but not being able to do anything. With the constant crying, arching her back, not feeding regularly, vomiting and complete lack of sleep this make us tired and snappy at each other. It made things just difficult. We felt, well I felt useless at times by not being able to calm her down or get her to sleep. I felt I was failing her, I didn't know her cues, she wouldn't settle or sleep and it was very frustrating at times. 

Mainly as she got older and heavier. When it's 2am and she already been up since midnight. We be rocking her, as she would arch her back, wiggling in discomfort, just trying to get comforty. She is 21lb now so not light to hold for long periods of time anymore. However we cannot put her down until she is sound asleep because she wake up instantly! It is like a light bulb she could be snoring away but as you lay her down she be wide wake chatting and smiling. She got used to being held from a tiny baby due to the reflux, because she had to held upright after every feed, or she would choke at night. Thus us having to hold her, too afraid to put her down. So now it's her comfort, she has to be cuddled and rocked to sleep. Which is fine getting her to bed (easily) with her milk but when it's early hours she will not settle. We have tried everything and at our wits end. 

On top of this there are all these pressure as parents to sleep train your baby, getting judge if they are not sleeping through the night or cannot self sooth. That they are reaching milestones and don't ever cry. But in most cases this doesn't happen. Majority of babies do not sleep through the night in their first year of life. Even if they do it may be the odd night or so because sleep regressions, teething, illness anything really can disturb a babies routine or sleep patterns. Therefore why do we put so much pressure on ourselves and our babies. They need a cuddle for reassurence, love and comfort, it's a need! So please do not feel bad for providing that to your baby. 

Let break this stigma and pressure instead supporting each other as parents rather then judging each other. Because there is no one way to do things. No right or wrong. People have there own ways and each babies is different with their own needs. We all know partening is hard so we need to be raising each other up. Not making it harder! 

One major challenge for me was when I had my chest surgery back in December, it was tough going in terms of my recovery as I was unable to hold or feed her. Ben was looking after us both, which I have always felt I owned him for. Not only was he caring for me he also had her at the hardest time with her reflux and allergy flair ups. My step mum was great help but no one else bothered to help Ben! This meant he was tired and struggled. I felt useless, selfish and bad on him. 

Additionally we got lots of pressure from everyone as they told what we should or shouldn't be doing from loved ones around us, to those online. Whilst we know they were trying to show their love and support it never felt that way. We felt judged, useless, defeated. Medical staff were no better, our health visitor was never available, we had to fight gp, hospitals and others for the right care for Ariyah. Being told she has no allergies, that it's colic or she just fussy. To just give her water for constipation when she hadn't been for over a week and she in agony with stomach at just 3 months old. Told she had a cold or bronchitis when it was reflux. But we did just that we fought for the right care until we finally got dietian and the right care when she was 7 months old. 

Then we had the damp mouldy flat we're we lived in one room for two months, this did not help ariyah health, sleep or our sanity. Again family putting added pressure on us, especially Ben's family who were not accepting me as Ariyah's dad. Would voice that my family were not her blood, in front of me too! This again made my mental health worse. I already felt useless due to having surgery because I was unable to help Ben much, I felt I had not been able to fully bond with Ariyah-mai. She Was only 8 weeks when I had it and until about 4/5 months I werent able to fully hold her. I could if she was sleeping, or I could  start the feed but then she get wiggly, arching, be sick or need burbling  Ben had to take her. I could rock her or get her to sleep, could not bath, or change her. Because she was such a determined, active wiggly baby. My role were to sit on floor and play which isn't bad, or cuddle her when she was asleep but meant Ben was doing all the hard work. His family reminded us of that and made me feel really low. They also said I controlled Ben as il tell him what to do, or take her off him  to have cuddles. But I couldn't do much else. So this put alot of rain on our relationship, mental health and just general wellbeing. The mouldy flat was a reason we moved but more so to get away (as was planning to move just damp made it sooner) 

Again we got so much grief moving, saying I made Ben move away, I controlled him. We were taking Ariyah away from her only blood family. That we were moving closer to my family (which is not true). We moved to be in the middle of everyone. And to a place were I had a job. 

After all this we had covid and a national lockdown, just as we moved. Meaning we met no friends, no baby groups, no parks, soft play, shops, no work, nothing. We both were struck in doors together with a new house and sick, active baby. This came with a whole load of different kinds of stresses. 

All these stress, external factors put a strain on our relationship :

Me and Ben have had a real difficult few months, due to lack of sleep and exhustation we would snap at each other, get into silly argument over nothing at all. Which I know is all normal and to be expected with all that's happened this year however, adding in our past, mental health and just lots of mixed feelings we really did hit a real low. 

We realised we kind of fell out of love, obviously we still cared and loved each other, muddling through each day. But we both did not show each other that love, affection or appreciation like we used to. Things just got in the way. We had no time for ourselves or as a couple which put strain on everything too. With lockdown we were unable to have any time without ariyah for like date nights or even to just sort things out. Ariyah being poorly, teething constantly and just an active sleepless baby meant we didn't get a break. When she was asleep at night finally the few hours before she would wake again. We were sorting the house, painting, unpacking, cleaning ect... Before crashing out ourselves. 

So yes we did make each other feel unloved, unappreciated and just worthless really, it was like we were all just living day to day, on robotic routine. It had to get really bad for us to realise what we had to loss.

Meanwhile we wanted to try and fix things, we loved and care and deep down we knew that. The amount we been through we wouldn't let anything get in the way of that. 

We are in a better place now then before, we have rekindle our marriage. Thus best of all feel in love all over again. The feelings are like when we first met, now even stronger. Now we are stable and in such an amazing place. I can now write and share the experience we had other these last few months well this year of 2020. 

Ariyah being poorly, my surgery, moving homes, changing jobs, covid virus, lockdown, family break ups, Ben starting homrones again, me coming off. Its been a crazy year. 

But the most important thing we have learnt is talk!!! Communication is so important. We stopped talking, telling each other how we felt. We argued instead of saying what was actually wrong. Instead of planning or working things out together we just fought against each other. We didn't support one another or ourselves. We put ourselves down with negative thoughts and let over people get to us. 

This broke us, it distroyed our relationship, our own confidence and self worth. But I am so thankful and lucky we found a way back. It was the help of a great friend who realised and support us to face how we felt and truly talk and listen to each other. From there we were able to have a real adult conversation where we got everything out in the open, our deepest feelings that we both hidden for months. This is only when we were able to then see how bad it had got, while we could resolve most of it and fix it. There are still days we're we both struggle but we support each other now, raise our own worth as well as each others. This is all we needed to do, support each other and talk more in order to deal with daily stresses. I love Ben so much, he is so caring and has the kindesss heart, he lost his way in himself too just as much much as I did. I am so happy and glad we have sorted it out together. I feel like not only have I got my husband back, I've got myself, our life, future and dreams back on track. We know what we need and want. Lucky dispite us losing our ways we never let it effect our parenting and put ariyah first. She is striving and doing amazingly. We so proud of her. I feel me and Ben can truly treasure these moments because she is growing so fast. We can actually start being a family, planning for the future and just being all loved and excitement again. I know we can get through anything together now, that we both hit rock bottom individually, as parents and as a couple. 

So here to speaking out! No matter how you feel what's going on talk to someone, anyone. Even a stranger online like me as always here to guide and help others. That what all these blogs are about and why is started them after losing our son. So here to breaking the stigma, raising above mental health and fighting back. It's going to be a long road and it's not easy but its okay to feel however you do, it's okay to have bad, dark days, what's important is raising back, supporting each other and loving yourself. 

I now feel in a much better place, don't get me wrong it's not changed overnight, but I know I do have people who love and support me. That I am enough for our daughter by just being her dad. Loving and caring the best I can for her. Along with being a good husband by supporting Ben. More so I have learn to love myself again, to have confidence even if I don't feel I'm doing a good job. But to know I'm trying, which is what matters. That in time we will get there and got an amazing future to look forward to. 

#mentalhealth #postnatledepression #mencancry #transdads #breakthestigma #loveyourself. 

Developmently updates

12 months development 

I thought il just do a generally update in how ariyah is doing since turning one. As she is just developing so quickly now that we can't keep up. She is her only little person, amazing us with cleverness everyday. 

When ever we are out and met other parents at park ect they always ask how old ariyah is because she is tall and so advanced, she so social and goes up. To other younger toddlers to play and talk to them. We then chat to thee parents and they are always amazed by her age thinking she older when most of thee time their kids are 18 months plus. This makes us realise how grown up and deterimed she is. How clever and tall she is. Like just seeing her against old toddlers seeing her milestones it is so amazing. We are proud of her so much and push her curiousness about the world. We do push her, give her opportunities to strive, so I believe this is why she is going so well. 

So it made me curious to why everyone reacts the way the do when she does something or when they find out her age. So I started researching different age milestones and what she should be doing at her age considering she premmy too. Which it was her original due date on the 20th (last week) 

I made a list of words she has and things she can do just for our own records but wanted to share with you. So she now 13 months but 12 months corrected. 

However first I will go through average milstone for this age at 1 years old-18 months then 18 months plus again for our records but so you can. See what are the gernal developmentle stages. These are by no means the same for every baby. Many babies develop at there own time. I will also add in whhat things are red flags and if babies aren't doing certain things it went you should speak to a health professional. 

12-18 months:

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6474/milestone-chart-13-to-18-months

18 months + 

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6472/milestone-chart-19-to-24-months

These words Ariyah can say, whilst the does copy many other words and sounds. Thee ones listed are words in her language on a daily bases that she actually understand what they mean, says them in context. As well as understand when we say them.

1. Hi, hey, hello
2. Bye bye
3. Night
4. Daddy, (ben)
5. dad or dada (Shane) 
6. Dads (both) 
7. Baby
8. Nan/nana/nanny
9. Cat (also says haye's name who is our cat.)
10. Mewo 
11. Dog (luna this is a close family friends dogs name)
12. Bark 
13. woof. She says this after the dog does it. 
14. Duck
15.  quake
16. Baa to sheep. 
17. Dance
18. Clap
19. Jump
20. Look
21. Shoe
22. Walk
23. Run
24. Out
25. outside
26. Sit
27. Up 
28. Down
29. Open
30. Park
31. More
32. Me 
33. mine
34. Milk
35. Bottle
36. Snack
37. Breakfast
38. Drink
39. Bubbles
40. pop 
41. Ach (for pain) 
42. No, nope, nar
43. yeah, yep,yes
44. Thanks /tar
45. Bath
46. Bed
47. Nap
48. Stairs
49. Ball
50. Catch
51. Oh no 
52. Wow
53. Oh
54. Aww
55. Bum
56. poo (when we changing her) 
57. Row row row (the boat) 
58. Rock (rocking horse) 
59. All done 
60. Gone
61. Wooo
62. Yum
63. yummy 
64. Run
65. Play
66. Stuck
67. Sit
68. There
69. Pretty
70. Help
71. Book 
72. Read
73. Boo (peek a boo)
74. Mum (when annoyed)
75. Bear
76. Nay to (horse)
77. Swing
78. Wipe (cleaning) 
79. Door
80. Happy
81. Help 
82. Theodore (her friend) 
83. Amie (theo mummy)

Maybe missing some as she  does copies other word that are said. 

phases she likes to say also:

See you later

Here you go 

Peek a boo

It's there 

I did it 

No thanks (cheeky)

Signs language - that she can do and understand. 

Dirty

More

Finished 

Milk

Me

Things she can do:

• Walk
• Run
• Able to advoid or step over objects when moving around
• Walks and crawls backwards 
• Steps up and down small step, curbs ect. 
• Climb (everything) 
• Rolls (forward roll with help)
• Crawl (doesn't really anymore)
•  stands up alone
• Feed self with untensils and drinks self
• Drinks from cup with help
• Helps dress self
• Takes off shoes, and socks
• Tries to put back on.
• Brushes teeth
• Helping to wash self and washes her hands
• Brushes hair
• Jumps (just starting to get off floor)
• Response to name and know who other familiar people are by name.
• Nods for yes
• Put objects in and out of container 
• Follow directional instructions Eg. in bedroom, this way, come here. 
• Throws ,Rolls, Bounces, catchs and kicks a ball
• Flicks through book
• Follows one step simple instructions eg.. Find ball, give daddy the toy ect...
• Copies actions 
• Points to things she wants
• Point to lable and identifying things we ask
• Walks up and down stairs
• Gets on and off furniture saftly
• Dances
• Starting to sing
• Pushes buttons on toys
• Does puzzles
• Claps
• Waves hello and bye
• Blows kisses
• Gives hugs and kiss 
• Touches head, toes, knees, belly, eye on demard
• Hides
• Know where others nose, eyes, ears and month is. 
• Waves arms and puts them up 
• Understand objects uses keys for door, cup for drink ect... 
• Care for friends gives them dummy, milk, food, toys ect.
• shares things with others
• Role play- feeding baby doll, or teddies.
• Pushes toy cars/train makes noises (drumm or chowchow) . 
• Squats to pick up toys and stands back up
• Walks and pulls along or carries large toys
• Draws and scribbles
• Plays with cats by pulling string or toy along floor for them
•  open doors /cupboard and draws
• Pushes and pulls objects (pram/trolly)
• Plays her musical instruments correctly. Including blowing on recorder
• Plays peek a boo
• Interacts and, initiates play with adults and other children 
• Like to knock things, stack and take things apart
• Gives high fives
• Recognise self in a mirror or photo. 
• Strokes animals 
• Communicate her wants and needs easily
• Match two of the same objects 
• Points and labels things in a book
• Imitates talking on the phone
• Understanding size off things when something to big or small. 
• Planning ahead to make decisions of what to do
• Helps around househee loves to clean and hoovering
• Puts finger to month and says shhh
• Loves soft toys. 
• Slides down slide herself, will push the swing. 

She says ach and points to teeth or painful places if she hurts herself.

Tantrums have started and gets frustrated so can hits, bits, pinches, but knows when told off. As she starts pushes boundaries we are starting to do small time outs when she does something that is dangerous or hurts others. 

Ariyah-mai is 1

 Happy 1st birthday 

Our rainbow is 1, this happened in a blink of an eye. I can't believe we noww have a one year old. Thhe time really does fly by and glad we  herished ever moment and I hhavee been able to document her jounery in this blog. Especial her milestones, funny little things and all her adventures. So as she grows up she can read through these post and know how she was as a baby. It's very special to have these memories.

We wanted to makee her birthday special and planned a hug party at our house, we Brough so many decorations handed out invites and had many plans for games cake smash ect.. 

But... Due to covid and this current virtual pamedic spreading the glode. Moore restrictions meant we could only have up to six people in our home at ones. This meant completly no party! We were devistated at first as we planned it and wanted her to celebrate being one. But also being our miracle rainbow who we didn't think wee ever get to this milestone as a family, so Wass even more to treasure and celebrate. All taken from us people people could not be sensible and stop thhe spread.

However nothing we could do so plan 2 it was. So we had to stragger people coming round to see her. We had Ben's 25th birthday the weekend before and his cousins 6th. So ariyah ended up with a month of birthday celebrations.

First of the celebrations began the first weekend of October. My mum and step dad ariyah gran a and grandad come over, we had some takeaway ariyah got first taste of KFC. Then they gave ariyah her presents. She loved the tea pot that sung. It come with little cups and cakes to role play with. This is technically older toy but straight away shee surprised us poring thee tea pot pretending to drink for the cups and giving them to us too. This kind of role play is very advanced ad wee aall could tt believe it. She amazes us everyday. She Wass also feeding her baaby the cakes. This is has started doing with her snacks, feeding her toys teddies aand baby. 

Next day we went to margate to have a joint birthday tea party for her and her big cousin. We had balloons party food, with some other cousins joining in, they played and danced. It was lovely as ariyah Hadd just started walking too so she was up running and  dancing with her older cousins. We estranged presents and had cake. Singing happy birthday to them both. It was ariyah first experience of blowing out a candle bless her. And opening presents because she Wass to young to understand at Christmas.

Next celebration was Ben's birthday weekend, we had our friends round Ron and scott with gi. Where they gave Ben aand ariyah there presents, the kids played sand we had cake. Again singing to the both. Ron had made a dairy free cake.

On Sunday was bbens birthday, we actually spend day with close friends at soft play, our friend then had ariyah for a while whilst I took Ben out for nandos. It was nice to have some just us time. 

After that we had the lead up to her birthday where presents were sent from family we couldn't see, we had zoom chats to other family and friends. On Thursday ariyah other cousin on my side who are 2 1/2 twins, and 14 month old. There is like 8 weeks between thee girls which is lovely for them to grow up together. So I was at work but managed to. See them abit before the left. But they had aa good day with mc Donald's and playing. More cKe aand presents too. My cousin made dairy free chocolate brownies and cupcakes which was sweet of her.

Actual birthday day

On Friday ariyaah actual birthday. Me and Ben stayed up all night decorating the living room ready for her in the morning. We placed all her presents out and made cake. Could wait to see her face in thee morning.

So Friday came we both got her put her in her birthday outfit and took her down stairs. Ben carried her as I filmed her reaction. She was mesmerised, standing there saying woow. It was the most presious thing. As she run jumping on the balloons. That morning wee spent playing, opening presents doing little photoshoot. And had pancakes andd chocolate brownies for breakfast.

Sadly I had to go to work, but Ben sent me pictures. She took her out in her new trike. 

When I got home, we had ariyahs little baby group friends over. Keeping to rule of 6ish (babies not included) it was lovely seeing the playing, opening presents together. We then did a cake smash where we first sung happy birthday then just just put the cake in front of ariyah and llet her grab it and eaat it, smashing it up. Her friends then joined in and they all got every messy, but had three happy babies eating cake. It was so messy but so much fun.

She had a lovely birthday but was very tired and did get overwhelmed with the llresents and that was just in a small group. We actually realised it was a good thing we had to slit it up because she would have gotten so overwhelmed and stress. 

Next day came, I took her to ballet while daddies Ben had well deserved rest time to himself. We got to see our ballet friends, danced and played. After ballet we stayed talking to onee of the family from ballet who we formed a bubble with. (this is term for the small groups in which people can interact with due to covid restrictions). They are a lgbt family which is great for ariyah. So her friend brought hher a present and we gave him some of her birthday cake.

After we numbed into Ron and gi as she goes ballet at the same place afterwards. So we hung around and got some lunch with them after. It was nice to spend more time with them as unfortunately girl don't get to see to much of each other because of the virus, making traveling and stuff without cars too risky for them. 

When we got back that afternoon Ben's olld youth worker friend, ariyahs auntie came to see her. She took us out for dinner which was lovely. She was so surprised how grown up ariyah had got since she last saw her. As it had been a few months. We were meant to have more friends came with her however they were in London which unfortunately as of Friday night went into tougher lockdown restriction where they could not mix with other households. This was sad as ariyah would have met her tiny baby cousin. But we make sure we catch up with them. 

On Sunday mum dad and step mum came over, my brother and his girlfriend were meant to also but again him being in thee navy and covid he got called back to base early because number as rising again. We arranged to facetime them and see them hopefully before Christmas. 

But yes we had a lovely Sunday with her grandparents. More cake, presents and food, what more could she need. 

Over all see had a great birthday month. Now leading to her first proper Christmas as shee. Was too young last year. Oh andd Halloween next too. We have lots planned and will keep you all updated. 

I will still continue to blog where I can however many be less updates and more events and bigger milestones now. Bfurthermore I want to thank everyone who wished hher happy birthday, who has followed our story from the beginning and just supported us. 

She is getting so clever and grown up, to much for her own good I think sometime. Our  little saying 'let your boy catch up with your brain' still very much is her moto. She so advance and wants to do everything but sometimes forgets she is still little. She funny and sassy getting a really little attitude and humer now to. She always laughing and smiling and generally is such a happy bubble baby. She has crazy weird little quirks which we love.

including, putting musy over her head and running around. We could not be prouder of her and just over joyed to have shared her precious first year. To be here after thee loss of Nico and just she herr grow everyday is aa treasure. We know he Wass celebrating with us this weekend, he is always watching and guiding us. With this little spirt living through his sister. 

Onwards to our next jouneries. 

11 months update

11 months leading to 1! 

This last month has been crazy, ariyah has been growing up so much. Learning more words, walking, running and just getting to clever. She so tall and grown up. 

Ariyah-mai is a little whirlwind, she is non stop all day. from 5:30-6 in the morning, full off life, which is great when we sleep but not when she has her bad night's and we have all been up and down all night.

She still is not a great sleeper, her naps in thee day are much better, she normally has 2 one around midmorning 10ish, for half hour. Then another longer one around 2/3. However she has been abit poorly again with a cold, cough and teething which means she been up all night, and napping more times in the day. We have noticed is she has a later nap around 4 she can actually last longer until bedtime at 7:30, meaning she is not as many. Therefore settles and sleeps better. This is because overwise she gets over tired and needs to go bed earlier but will be up all hours of the morning at like 3am.

Keeping her active and busy is the key, but with more lockdown restrictions and covid rising again, plus it is now cold and winter this is harder to do. As there is not mucch in doors to keep her so active. As I said she is non stop, loves climbing and being outside. The park is her favourite especially the swings. She will run over shouting at them and will scream when we take her off. She is  now able to start climbing, crawling through the tunnels and sliding down the slide more indepently. But still needs help, not that she let's us. She is so independent if she can't do something she gets very frustrated, furthermore is reluctant to let us help her. However she never gives up and will keep trying which is an amazing trait to have especially so young.

We took her to soft play for the first time since lockdown. (she last went at 3 months old) She was so excited. When we arrived she stood looking saying wow. It was so special to see her face light up. As she ran around, climbing and playing. So glad we can now do these things again. Plus she had her best friend theo and his brother Chris there.

Ariyahs friends

So since going to met ups in thee park with other parents we have formed a little baby group, as well as a very close friendship with another family. Their little on theo is 6 months, he also has reflux and allergies like ariyah so it's nice to swap stories and support each other as parents too. They have another boy who's 5 and on autistic sprecrum which I have been able to offer tips and advice too. Ariyah loves the boys, her and theo's bond is the most precious thing. She will stroke his head, kiss him and give him toys. She is so gentle and caring its beautiful. He loves her too, whilst starting to follow her lead, chatting, clapping and just watches everything she does. Won't be lonng their be running around causing trouble together. 

Ballet going well we made another friend there who is an 8 month old boys with two mummies. It's nice to have more lgbt families for ariyah to interact with. Ariyah seems to get on long with boys more, her boy cousins, who are 2 and 4 she loves, where ass girls she just not interested in playing with. I think Ruby who 5 her big cousin, but that's all other girls or babies she eirther takes no notice off or can be rough with hem, by taking toys even pushing them sometimes. No sure why this is. Maybe having two Daddies and more male figure, where we rough play aand joke with her. 

More so she loves dancing and will dance to anything that has a beat. She will twists and waves her arms, bopping to music. She will come over and say radio or on, to the Google dot clapping for us to play the radio. She loves it. Much more then TV as she is not much of a TV watcher which is a good thing but also not on another hand. Wheree sshe is getting older it would be nice to be able to sit as a family and watch films or for her to watch TV if we are busy. She maybe will manage 5/10 mins when she in the mood but definitely preferrs running round causing trouble.

The last 3 weeks she not only learnt to walk, but she now so stable, she walkes everywhere and doesn't really crawl anymore. If she falls she get straight back up and carry on. She been walking outside too and around the park which is amazing. She so much happier because she can go where she wants. She is also running to, it didn't take long. One Wednesday she took her first steps, then withing 3 days she was fully walking, in direction to where she want to get to. By a week after she was able to turn herself and actually stabilise herself from falling. Now 2/3 weeks later she was off, running, turning, climbing. The is no stopping her.

She loves to climb, she gets up stairs easily now, gets on the sofa, our bed. But more recently she is climbing on tables, she stands up on the sofa and dives off it laughing. We have to watch her constantly. She also, after not even a week of having it stands on her toys and tries to climb over the edge of her playpen. We have to ensure any big toys are out the way. She just too clever.

She also loves getting into kitchen and opening cupboards, pulling all her plates and saucepans out. Which is then banged together. (daddies need to buy cupboard locks) she slide the kitchen door open now which I think is very clever that she learnt as its quite hard to slide across and knowing to do that instead of pulling it. She is very cluded up. She watches what we do and copy. Will not be long before she learns to open baby gates as she gives it a good try.

Other things is just her understanding, which in last week or so just seems no longer a baby. She is able to follow instructions and know what we are saying. Mai ly ssimoke ones like go to the kitchen, upstairs, bathtime, go to daddy, come here, putting arms in clothes. But also we be chatting aand laughtinng and she suddenly laugh at something we said and join in the conversation.

Her speak is coming on so much to, she always chatting and babbling but say more and more words. She is now a little parrot, coping everything we say. More so being able. To begin to have conversation, like what's that, look, go...., help. She say yumm when she hungry and the cutest is she will cuddle a teddy, her dolly or stroke the cat while saying awwww. She feeds the doll and covers it up. She just starting to. Role play with play food and cups. But yes she speaks all the time. Sometimes with attitude to. The otherr day wee called her and she goes 'what' with such sass.

Some of her favourite words: (most said and newer ones) 

• Daddy to Ben 
• Dad or dada to me. 
• Bath
• Snacks
• Cat
• Park
• Duck - quack
• Dog
• More
• No
• Yes
• Whats that
• Nan
• Brother
• Ador (Theodore) 
• Hello
• Byebye
• Bed 
• Yumm
• Wow. 

Can't believe she is now 1! Keep posted there be a birthday update over the weekend. 

We have a walker !!

 Help us! We not ready for this. 

This baby amazes us everyday. So those of you who are following will know that ariyah has always preferred to be upright. Even as aa young baby 2/3 months she wanted to sit and stand. She would stand on our legs. By 4 months she was standing up with some support from us and Wouold even take steps when we held her by her waist.

At 6 months she was craising round furniture and standing her self up. Sshe Wass so persistent and would try and let go standing momentarily on her own. On occasions she try take one step but follow. But this girl is determined. There no stopping her. By 7 months she was crawling so less determined to. Walk but still craising and standing when she could. At 9 months she was stand independently, walking holding just onee hand. 

Exactly 10 months that morning she took her first three independent steps where she stood herself up and walked. She stock herself I think and sat down. Then every timme she took the odd one or two steps if we noticed her she just sat down. She then gott ill and that throw her off for a while. But as I said nothing stopped her she was soon back up in her feet, taking the odd step or two. Leading up to 11monnths shee did start taking small. Steps in between things or to us I think 5/6 was most we counted. 

On 22/09/20 at 11 weekss and few days she was off. She walked abit which I missed as I was at work. She had a friend over who is almost 2 so he is toddling around so this helped as she tried to copy and walk after him. Also being at baby groups she was seeing other older toddlers learning and walking. 

Then when I got home we facetime her cousin GI. Whilst gi was on the phone ariyah walked across the room to the phone it was so sweet as she laughed realising what she done. Gi was clapping and saying we'll done ariyah for walking. It was a precious moment that thankfully we also got on camera. Every since that there is no stopping her now. She walking everywhere. 

So here where the fun starts, although she not very fast right now so wee can catch her, on that note she is already trying to run so she going to give us the run around. Getting everything andd climbing more then she already does. So spend two Daddies help hehe. 

10 months developments

                   We have a toddler.

I know technical over 1 is classes as a toddler not a baby, however we feel ariyah is no longer our tiny baby. She will always be our baby but has reached toddle stage.

This is mainly because she is constantly on her feet, she is standing all the time and for ages without touching anything. She can stand herself from sitting position independently. She is even taking steps, the odd one or two between furniture or to reach something she wants if she has stood herself up. However has on a few occasions taken 4+ steps. We noticed if we were watching, get the camera out or praised her. She would stop and sit down. Sometimes laugh or just crawl off like she has not done anything. This led to us not taking any notice or secreatly watching her but not giving her that attention. Then she will take steps because there is no pressure. She hates the attention or praise so hopefully by not acknowledging when she does it, she may just walk.

We know she can walk it is just all confidence now, once she learns if she falls she gets back up she be off. Also that she safe and we wouldn't let her hurt herself. She does walk down the road, in Park or anywhere really holding just one finger. I have even held slightly under one elbow or her clothes where she will walk independently without knowing. 

So walking and stepping is the hug milestone this month plus learning lots of other things and just getting clever. She climbs the stairs as well. She does it very easily and quickly now, as well as trying to climb everything else. She started to get up and stand on her little chair. Another funny thing is she crawles under her little table, lays under it sometimes but just likes crawling in and out. 

She is more presistant, independent and funny everyday. She waves and say hi to everyone, which is her new thing as we walk around she smiles waveing and gets everyone walking by to say hello to her. She very friendly with people and getting used to being around people again which is amazing.

We have met a few parents with little ones who we meet regularly, they are so lovely and accepting of our unique family too. They been very supporting and we all became a close group. It is amazing too as it gives ariyah lots of friends. They are a few months younger but she loves them. Especially one little boy, who she is so gentle with. She stokes him while saying baby, and gives him toys. It just melts our hearts to see. I hope that as they all grow they remain friends as do we with the parents.

Another main thing is that ariyah is talking!!! Full responding to us and just so chatty. If we ask her something she say yes or no, making clear choices of what she wants. I have lost count on words she can say. But bath seems to be her latest one. She loves the bath and water. She says nana alot too. She just chats all the time but actual words, like coping everything we say. She also showing her cheekiness too by say nope. She said to Ben the other day 'No' when he said it is time for nap. Then she goes no nap, nope. Haha. She also say 'did it' a alot when she done something like climbing, grabbing something ect... 

She is a also signing more too, she signs and says milk and is starting to indicate for food as she signs milk but says yumm. So we are trying to teach her to sign food. She signs more and finished (all done). She can recognise others like wait, or drink. 

Her sleep well.... It is not as bad as it was, she has good and bad nights. Since she is teething, snotty and doing more so napping less. It can play a role wether she is unsettled or sleeps, well depending on that day. Most of the time she has generally been very good. She does Naps twice a day now and can fall asleep without a bottle. Going down for bed at around 6:30/7, but still waking early more often then not, before half 6. Hopefully she settles more as she gets older, when her reflux truly settles and these teeth come through. One thing with her sleep which has really help was giving her a duvet and pillow. Before we are critised she is 5 weeks away from 1, she is well advanced and can easily pull covers off her at night. We choose to do this early, while being safe by testing it out first when she napped. Then early bedtime, so we could keep a close eye. Where it is now starting to get cold, we are having to put her in sleep suits again. Furthermore with her little blankets she would kick them off and it would wake her up, as she likes being tucked in. She also moves so much in her sleep that she ended up all over the place. This included banging her head or getting limbs caught in the bars. Now with the pillow and duvet she stays in one place (mostly) all tucked in. The pillow helps her not to bang her head as well as relieving her reflux. It definitely has helped her sleep better. 

We have started to taking her out more as things are easing and opening back up. Like to the park where she loves the swing, she crys if she is taken off. Also we been able to take her to other baby groups now which is great because she getting older, more sociable and aware of the world around her. She was in lockdown most of her young life so we want to do as much as possible. I have taken her to baby ballet. She seemed to enjoy it, standing and dancing. Playing with the ribbons and props. It is hard because we still have to follow social distancing, where each parent and baby is given there own props with a mat, that we have to stay on. Ariyah just wants to see everyone and crawl around. So it is a challenge but she is loving it, following in her daddies footsteps of dancing. Ben is going to take her football when she is bit older as he has put her on the waiting list. He does take her to a sensory group one in the park where they do different themes and stuff each weeks, like bubbles, sensory bottles ect... Next Monday she starts a music session. 

She getting bored of toys really, she does not play and has been really interned in the animale figures we got. Along with the the my first building bricks. She presses the buttons on toys and likes pushing the balls through the hole and down the slope on one of her big activity ones. She is starting to be interested in books as she does sit and turn the pages, touching and looking at them. But enjoys pulling them off the shelf more. 

I have gone back to work, which is why it's more important that she has got groups to go and Ben's got other parents to talk to and thing to do with her. It very weird after so long off work. It has been since December, when I had surgery, then lockdown. I miss them so much when I am at work but I am kept busy and get to spend weekends, evenings and holidays with them both. It is hard but I'm sure I will get used to it in time. Never be easy being away, missing things and more developments as she grows up. 

She has got more teeth again. I feel like her teething is never ending. This time it's two back ones at the bottom. She has been really ill, snotty and irritable lately which we think plays a role in her teething. But now she is able to eat so much, and has just slightly chopped or broke food. Most things she eat whole now like blueberries or chips. She enjoying proper sandwhich, pasta, fruit and veg as usual. She now gone out to eat a few times and will eat a whole kids portion. Brocoli and fruit like rasberry and blueberry are still her favourite. She loving yogurt at the moment dairy free of course. She has eaten peas now in foods yet to try again on their own which we should do. But other then bananas she will eat anything. She eats herself and drink water or flavoured water from a straw bottle by herself. 

So over all very healthy and happy girl, growing up, doing a amazing and making her daddies proud. 

Sick baby - covid scare.

       Hate seeing her ill. 

This last week Ariyah-mai has not been herself. After a very busy week in London then looking after our niece it was nice to have some quite time. However this followed by a boiling hot heatwave were temperature hit 37 degree, which is for the UK. I have never known it to be that high. This meant we had a hot, sweaty baby. On top of that this was our week to get things sorted in the house all the last touch ups before I'm back at work. We decided to paint and clean and sort whole house on the hottest week ever. Which was not a good idea. Painting in the night when ariyah was asleep however the paint was driying  quicker then we could even get it on the wall. This was not fun but finally all done. 

It was far to hot to even go out and enjoy the weather. We got out for little walks and things but far to hot for our little lady. She did get slightly burn at the beach bless her. So it was her first time at the beach with her cousins too. She love it. Wanting to swim in the sea and crawling round the sand. 

Anyways after this hot week leaving us tired, sleepless because it was far to hot for ariyah to sleep. The temperature droped and it was much better. We have visits from family which was nice for ariyah to see her nanny, grandads and grandma. But following these visits ariyah got sick.

Ariyah being ill 

Sunday evening/night was when it started. She been grumpy and not herself that day. But put it down to teething. Then her temperature was 38 degrees. She was boiling to touch. So call 111 who told us to take her a&e. They did her observations, and urine sample but all came back fine so was sent home. We had the worse night ever. She was up every half hour to hour, crying l, feverish. We have her Calpol and put her in our room to keep am eye. We also ordered a cornivirus home testing kit just to rule it out due to high temperature. Which to be honest they should have done a test in hospital but did not. Then refused to when we asked. 

Monday she weren't herself and slept a lot. Gp gave us antibiotic without even seeing her or making any history. We have her one dose on Tuesday morning which she spat straight back out. 

Tuesday she was not herself at all she was so tired she was just laying on the floor, not interested in her toys, were eating, not taking milk. She manage to drink water which meant she were dehydrated. Had direah and less wet nappies. Those who know her will know she none stop, playing laughing, climbing and getting up to trouble. So to just laying and sitting on our lap was not her at all. She was clingy but so hot she also pushing us away crying but grabbing for a hug. She just did not know what to do. 

Then as her temperature rose to 39.3+ as just kept going up, she could kept herself awake and refused milk so we call 111 again. This time they sent an ambulance who took her into hospital, she conveniently perked up. Again anyone with children will know that they do this and make you look silly. She laughing chatting to ambulance crew and nurses when we got there. Again they did observations,and checked her nose and throat, tested urine and told she fine. We were not happy so Ben took her back in and spoke to a manage a pedestrian came down from the ward to examine Ariyah-mai.

The pedestrian checked her and said that she seemed to have a sore throat and possible onset of tonsillitis however because we responded quickly with bringing her temperature down and giving her Calpol it hopefully is the end of this viral infection and see get better from now. That she was over the worse. That we should not give her any more of the antibiotic as the hp should not have prescribed it without seeing her but more so due to her being young and premmy.  Plus they don't even know what infection or if there even is a infection to treat. 

Day 4 (Wednesday) Ariyah seemed cooler and had a better night sleep. So thought it was the end of it. Then she started to just cry, like scream cry. I have never seen her or heard her like this before. Even as a baby with reflux and colic this cry was different it was real pain. We have her Calpol, teething gel and powder. She kept running her ears and making funny grimacing face so again thought it was her teeth. We can see where back ones are coming in now. So put all this down to her teeth again. But she just got worse, crying screaming, throwing herself to the floor she was clumsy tired. Still not eating or drinking. We took her temperature as she felt cooler, but sweating. This time it was low at 35.2 degrees. This continued so we rang the hospital and they told us to bring her up to actual children's ward to be assessed. Same pediatrians saw her, which was better then having to explain everything over and over to be told she is fine. So this time they did some blood tests. It came back that her infection marked are hight whilst at the lower end of high showing she did have a infection but is not to concerning. That it is the tail of it and she be better in a few days. To again keep and eye bring her back if we worried. 

Thursday morning she seems so much more herself, still moaning a bit, and tired but playing and laughing again. She was being her cheeky self. However a rash that started about in a&e yesterday got worse and spread. Last night it was a tiny patch on her stomach which nurse at hospital said was viral. While today it was blotchy, she started to get molted colouring to her skin. She still was not really drinking milk or interested in food. She started laying on floor crying again. Her eyes and arms were also swollen. We have her antihistamines to bring it down. It looked like an allergy rash. Like she got before however she hasn't had anything other then the antibiotic ones. (This contained penicillin) so worried she was all puffy and swollen. Called 111 and was sent back up the hospital. 

Still they putting it down to viral and to just see how she goes. She is much more herself come then weekend. Where she is back to eating a lot. Once she got her appite back and her cheeky personality we knew she was no the mend. 

We did book and do her covid home test just to rule out that. Which we order Sunday night, got and sent back on tuesday. Then after days of waiting it all came back negative which we knew it would as she was feeling much better.

Whilst she was ill, and even a few days after she was still receiving. This week knocked her back a bit. She was no longer interested in standing, did not really want her milk. She sleeping and tired more but still waking in the night. She still had moments where she cry but she is much more herself. 

A new week. 

Sunday she was much better and in time because my brother and his girlfriend came to see us with the dog. My brother is in the navy so is away or working on base most of the time, plus with covid happening, this meant he had not seen her since 28th of December 2019. We now in August 2020. That's a whole 8 months. She was only 10 weeks old now 10 months. So hug difference. They could not believe how big she was and clever crawling,climbing and being cheeky. She loved the dog and was very gentle with each other. 

Funny thing was we have her a treat to feed the dog, as the dog took it out her hand there was pure deviation and anger that the dog took it. We had to give her a snack too lol. But yes she was back to cheeky self but still not fully. Think it's going to take her a while to recover. As she just not interested anymore in standing, walking or anything.she just not as chatty. 

Monday comes around and she back, our cheeky, active clever bubba. She standing alone again, walking and climbing. It's my last week before going back to work so we going to try spend time and do things this week. She taken more random steps today. Which we managed to catch one step on camera. Then running around holding our hand at the garden centre. She also drunk milk and ate so much today. Which we are so half about. She such a goody so we knew she was really I'll when she refused to eat or drink. But we got nothing to worry about there her appite is definitely back. So glad that our baby girl is feeling better. And here to a good week leading to Nico's 2nd birthday this weekend. 

I will post about on both our blogs as we have some friends coming round.  

9 months.

 

How did this happen.

It seems like only yesterday that we found out we were expecting just over a year ago now. Then when she was born premmy being so tiny. That constant fear we would loss her. Now our tiny miracle 5lber now 20lb 70cms tall at 10 months old so not really a baby anymore.

The last few weeks she has suddenly just grown up. It not even that she doing anything much more then before, she just seems more independent and talking a lot. She can now say a lot of things, copies us constantly and surprises us everyday with a new word. She now eats so well and her reflux is pretty much under control. Unlike last time I posted. She is sleeping better however still not fully in a routine, with teething and the heat wave currently not helping. 

We got her weighted and put on a different medicine for her reflux, which we had research and heard from other parents on a Facebook group for reflux and allergy babies. This other tablet seems to be working wonders. It has been two weeks now and she is taking her milk without fussing, falling asleep better. No arching her back or screaming all the time. She generally happier, less constipated with much better bowel movements. She is not really being sick only on very odd occasions, no more rash, crying or arching. Basically a different baby. Still has her  frustration moments because of her teeth or when she is tired, in all she is so much better.

As I said she is now sleeping and eating better. We kinda given up on trying to set a routine instead just following her and what she needs. I think it has settled us all, because we are less stressed and so is she. This was mainly due to being away in London to stay with friends and family therefore there was no point when travelling, in a different house and around other people including young children. She was not in her safe, familiar environment therefore no point trying to set or keep a routine. We were out and about so she sleep bits and pieces in the pram. Falling asleep when she was actually tired. I definitely believe this gave us the freedom to just let her sort her self out, allowing us, mainly myself, to just let go of trying to have a routine or plan. Exactly what my OCD needed after lock down.

Whilst we was away we also was able to relax a bit where I felt better in public, I was not as anxious being out, in parks or near people whilst outside. Still did not go inside shops with Ariyah. We did have to get the bus ones which did freak me out a bit. No one was wearing masks or staying the distance. Also some people where really rude tell us they will suffocate if they wore a mask so we should cover our baby. that one thing I will not be doing again for a while especially in London.

We did manage to see lots of people and do so much,  it felt so good after such a long time in lock down. It was so good for Ariyah to spend time with our chosen family, see more people and just be out. Being around her older cousins helped her so much developmentally too.

Things we did.

We went to her cousins 1st birthday seeing family again for the first time since Xmas. When she was 9 weeks old. This was lovely to see her with her 1 and 2 year old cousins all playing together. The boys were so gentle and loving with her. This was also Ariyah first train and bus journey since Febuary/March.

In London we went to Battersea park, where we feed the ducks. Ariyah loved it, saying duck and trying to throw bread in. She wanted to get in the lake with them haha. We took some lovely photos of us all and the kids together. Then we even braved going in the playground. We put Ariyah on the swing and slide but with us so she didn't touch anything. First time since lock down so second time ever in the park.

On the Tuesday we went to Tooting Bec Common to met the LGBT playgroup we attended before we moved. Where us adults social distance as much as we could but the kids were able to play together. This was lovely to just chat to other adults and parents again. To see all Ariyahs baby group friends all grown up too. We again played in the park a little, still very nervous of these things.

The following two days we spent with another family member, seeing her little cousin who 3 months younger then Ariyah. We spent time there and Ariyah enjoyed chasing the kitten and her 5 year old cousin around. We also went to see my old colleagues from work who couldn't believe how big Ariyah had gotten. She was amazed at how clever she was. Then back to our cousins on the Friday we went to the park with them were we slashed around in the little pond. Ariyah-Mai loves the water, she was walking through it and slashing her big cousins. She likes all the rough and tumble with her older boy cousins. It was nice to see her building relationships with other children and family again. Then later we went park with her Aunty Shan and MJ. Got to see our friend Chris's again who is a trans guy due to give birth in 5 weeks. More little cousins for Ariyah.

On Saturday we went to Battersea Park zoo to see Ben's friend. Ariyah-Mai first time at the zoo, she loved all the animals, mainly the monkeys and donkey which came right up for us to stroke. She got very spoilt by our friend who got her a sloth toy, as well as her first proper vegan ice cream. which as you can imagine she created a hug mess! After we took a walk through Battersea park where there a water fountain in a large water pool. Loads of kids were swimming and slashing it in so we took MJ and Ariyah in. As she loves water so much, she didn't want to get out so me and Ben took turns taking her in, as she swam and slashed around. 

Later that day we had a social distance walk with a young boy I used worked with. It was nice to see and catch up with his family. Ariyah was crawling and trying to run after him. On Sunday we venture home with another friend who drove us back and spent some time at ours with Ariyah. Whilst we unpacked and tidied.

One thing that did happen was Ariyah decided to give us a worry and banged her head hard on a TV unit whilst trying to stand. This resulted in an a&e trip to Kingston hospital due to falling asleep then waking and vomiting. Lucky she was completely fine, smiling and chatting to all the nurses. We were in and out within minutes. She got to go in a blue light ambulance which she was not so keen on this time. She had a small mark on her forehead which vanished the next day, also was her happy chatty self like nothing had happened.

 It was a very busy week away, Ariyah-Mai was exhausted but could tell it really did wonders for her social and emotional health, development and just gave her the chance to explore, relax and learn. With lots of first or things she hadn't done in such a long time. Now we have her other cousin, our niece who is 3 staying with us for the week. So very busy. We met some new friends at social distance picnic in our local park with some parents in the area, this was nice to met other parents finial after moving and not being able to met people or go to baby groups. Then to give Ariyah some friends. We also spent lots of time with her cousin playing, going for walks. 

Then recently we did another first for Ariyah. She had her first trip to the beach. We went to dymchurch beach with my cousin Beth and her three kids. The ones who 1st birthday we went to. It was there first time at. A beach too. It was so lovely as it was hot, with a nice sea breeze. It was not actually too busy so kids were a able to freely crawl around playing. Ariyah loved it she got to crawl and play in the sand and the water. She completely loved the sea, she was so confident slashing in it, sitting and walking through it. She wanted to go in deeper, so we took her in and she was loving swimming around. She laughed when the big waves came which most kids including one of her cousin were scared of it. Yet she had the best time which was just so wonderful. To see her experiences new things. She also went on her first little ride which was the tea cups and a little boat one that went round. Again she really like it despite the spinning tea cups she was laughing away. Such a dare devil and adrenaline baby we have. 

Other things that she started doing because of this week away is talking a lot!!! She says so much now and been listening and coping everyone. MJ who is 3 has really helped her learn to share, play with other children and just communicate more. I post on my previous post about all the new words she says, so go take a read.

New words or phases. 

She started just randomly talking more everyday. She now replies with yes, no, or a very sassy maybe. She seems to just respond and talk constantly. And there are word that she randomly say in context too. So we trying to get her to use the word for us to know her needs. Like yes, no, more, milk, food, drink, help, up. 

Funny things she said. So today stood at the door to the back garden. Which is her favourite place atm because the cats go out so she watches them. She say kitty and cat now. As well as Hayes. She goes hi cat. So today her first little convo. she at the door says

 "dada, cat."

I said yes "Hayes is there, he sleeping" 

Ariyah. "get cat" 

I Said "he doesn't want to come in"

Ariyah "get him in" 

It was so cute and her first ever kinda conversation, that we could make out as she babbles replies to us constantly. But this was very clear that Ben heard from the kitchen. 

Other things she said. 

• Dog
• Help just started this one. 
• Good girl (to herself, as her cousin says it)
• Nana. 

There more but as I said she catches us off guard with replies and words that we didn't even know she says, she copies us bit also just says things in context like money and picks up her toy monkey. Or ball or baby or cat to those things. 

Milestones this month.

Along with talking, Ariyah-Mai is now listen more and can follow very basic instructions like get me the ball, or following us by crawling where we need her. Or give to daddies and she hand us whatever it is she shouldn't have. 

She is now clapping too, which happened very recently. She was bring her hands together and shaking them for ages but had no interest in actual clapping. Then whilst we were away she just did it. Now she does it all the time, managed to catch it on camera too.

 

She is standing now to, she can stand independently without holding on by pushing up off the floor. On top of this she stands there for a long time before sitting back down. When holding on she can easily walk round things and navigate her way around toys, furniture well whatever is in the way really. She very good a lowering herself back down instead of just dropping to her bum or knees, this is so good because she so independent and we do not need to be right behind her every time she stands up. She also able to bend down pick a toy up and stand back up again to then let go. With this she will be stepping in no time. 

Ariyah-mai is walking holding one hand, she walks round with just holding a finger. It all about confidence ones she learns if she drops to get back up there will be no stopping her. She has started to run holding one hand now, then will let go and take a couple steps before falling into Ben's or mine arms. She know her daddies will always catch her. 

She eating well as usual, self feeds majority of the time unless it's things like jelly or yogurt, we tend to load the spoon then she take it and feed herself. But now she use her hands and pincer grip for everything else. We do have to just put a small amount on her tray and she has a tendency to just put everything in her month at once and has gagged or choke on a few occasions. But she eats every large bits now, chowing very well. She loves her food. Milk has cut down which is great because she is eating more and drink lots of water in a straw bottle or plastic water bottle, like sports squirt bottle or fruit shoot ones. She could eat all day if she could. We can no long eat or drink in peace because she wants it, she so president and will climb up us to get food. 

we went out for dinner again first time since lock down, it still weird being out after 4/5 months being in doors. especial in pubs or shops. to adapt to this new world we living in with masks, social distancing. shops having one way systems, having temperature checked at doctors or work before entering the building. then pubs and restaurant having to do contact-less service from a distance. the pub we went to was a little one by the river, it has a garden which is how they are operating now this is all good on a nice day but when winter hits and its cold and raining i wonder how these place will open. No one other then staff are entering the building, they have spaced out there tables to be far apart to adhered by 2 metre distance that the government have set out. then you order in a make shift bar which is two tables again so staff and the public are 2 metres apart, they take your order, you pay by card. then they bring out your drinks or food put them on the table step back as you step forward and take it. there a Que and hand Sanitiser provided with outside toilets. its all very strange. but it was nice to be out, Ariyah enjoyed exploring and sitting at the table/ on it. she had her first meal out ever! with lock down and her reflux and allergies being changeling when we eat anywhere else. 

She has learnt to climb onto the sofa too which we have to watch as she will roll around and dive head first off it. We have been teaching her to turn around and slide off backwards to stand up, which she can do, however she will go head first and laugh. So she knows what she doing, luckily our sofa is quite low and she does catch and slide off with her arms. She also getting so cheeky as she get something she not meant to have and laugh at us as she crawls away. Or she will start to climb looking at us to see if we are watching and laugh. 

No new teeth yet still has 8 but definitely teething badly so we are expecting back ones coming in soon. With this she has now learnt to bit which has not been fun. She crawls up and bit our leg. We have had a few occasions where we had to tell her no and move her when she tried to bit her cousin this week or the cats. 

Overall she just growing up at a blink of an eye, she getting very big and clever, we have her 9 month review next week. Then lots to look and plan for. Her big brothers 2nd birth anniversary. Then daddy Ben's birthday and her 1st. As we now are planning for which is scary to think our baby will be 1! 

Therefore keep posted and look out for more updates of these exciting times ahead. 

some extra photo to see how big she is getting and her bond with her cousin. 

(Written in August 2020)

Communication

 Baby talk.

As parents we all wait for those first words wondering what they will be, wishing for either mumum or dadad however there are many other ways in which babies first learn to communicate. Along with ways we communicate to them and respond to our babies needs.

I am going to go through very early stages of communication, from the early crys, facial and body language or little ques babies may do to express a need. Then as they grow babbling leading to words as well assalternative ways, like gestures or sign language that can aid communicate skills and development.

So from the moment babies are born they communicate a need, whether it is for a feed, sleep, nappy change or cuddle. They are communicating. At first it is hard to know what they are trying to express. But as a parent you learn the difference in their cries or moans to disinquish what it is they need. However that may be difficult, like with ariyah it is okay if they do not have different cries and you can't tell what they need, instead just go through them all have they been changed, are they hungry, tired, need a cuddle, in pain, teething, sick ect... It took us a while because ariyah did not have different cryes or ques at all. Still now it's hard but we can tell more. through routines that we have set or now that she is starting to talk, point or sign. Before she whould go from smiling to screaming in seconds.

Other ques on top of crying might show what it is the baby wants, for example rubbing eyes or yawning when tired, or hands in month and slapping lips if they need milk. Then biting or rubbing side of cheeks or ears if they in pain. Again some babies have very clear ques from a newborn however many do not. Ariyah-mai being one of these. She chow her hands or anything she can when she is teething and very moany. Then with her reflux and allergy she aches her back, crying and wiggling when she is in pain but in terms of milk hunger ques she didn't show any. Just would scream in hunger straight away no warning. Again her needing changing we did regularly when we feed her so she was always clean.

It was only around 5/6 months she showed some difference in crys and showing hunger signs before getting to screaming. But more so now as she older, as I said through her routine you can tell when she tired as she rubs her eyes and lays down. She be irrriatble and winy. Then when she hunger for milk she still just crys but again we catch her before that with having a routine. She gets very hunganrgy for actual food tho. She loves her food and will get very grumpy. But she can tell us now by eirther crawling near the kitchen or her bag where snacks are. She does say or sign milk sometimes. Obviously teething she bite on everything cry and chow so that's a clear sign.

Babling
Babling is such an important milestone, as it is where babies first start to learn about sounds, two way conversations and building relationships. Therefore it is even more important to bable back to your baby,. By coping their sounds, making different pitches and ranges with your voice for them to try and mimic back. Also use facial expressions for feeling for them to be able to pick up on tones and moods, within speach. Along with babbling actually talk to your baby, this exposes them to word as well as ryhme of language. Singing is great to teach ryhme and tones for sentences later on. Just talk to your baby, as your cooking dinner, doing chores, at the shop. Explain what your doing point out things that the baby can see and describe them. You might look abit strange walking round the supermarket but it is so virtual for babies development. As they are exposed to so many words, speach patterns and expressions, which they soak in. Their brains are like sponges they listen and watch taking it all in then with start to vocalise themselves. The more you sing and talk and interact with your children the better intellectual they will be.

I must say with my job in special education it something I have training in which is called intense interaction that's based on the interaction between baby and their parents. Then as a parent myself using this skill i do have an advance to be able to truly know the postive impact it will have on Ariyah-mai. That said my one thing, like my pet hate as a parent is when people do not talk to there babies/children. They learn from us and the world around them. The more they are exposed, the greater there chance so just talk, doesn't matter if you look strange or it even makes sense just interact, be there in that moment with your baby is the best thing any parent can do. Does take money, or much time. So please talk interact and build those bonds.

Other means of communication.
Whillst talking to baby is so vital, there are other ways of communicating which are just as important or aid speach which for some people is even more vital. Then others for example if a family member is deaf, mute (can't speak) or has special educational needs/disabilities then other forms like sign language, body/facial expressions and gestures are the only means of communicating. Whereas for others it's just extra ways to aid speach, understand as well as teaching them to be inclusive to everyone. We have been signing with ariyah since she was very young. She understand many signs but can also now sign milk, more and yes. We sign finished and wait she is trying to learn those at the moment.

So the point I am making is interact, talk and just encourage all forms of communication with your babies or children. It's never to late for them to learn to sign, or another language they learn a alot more when they are so young. Talk to your babies, don't be too worried about looking silly. Also reading to them or signing helps them pick up speach, tone, pace and the whole process of sentence structure in order to communicate. They learn two way conversations where listening is just as important as talking. You can never talk to your baby too much!

Ariyah has babledd and spoke from a very young age. We feel this is because we have always talk to her, told her what we was doing, pointing and looking at toys or things, while describing them. We sign, sing and used our face/body language to cconnect with her. So she has been able to let us know what she wants before she can even talk fully. Although she is a chatter box. No stopping her now.

First words- so people class a baby first words differently. As all babies bable and minic sounds they will generally make sounds together that minics a word they hear alot. However at first they have no understanding of what certain words mean it just coping. This is why me and Ben do not count these as first words or any words until she has consistently said it with meaning. Like baby and picked up her doll. Or when we were with her little cousins who is 6 months old, she says baby and stroked her face. This shows she truly know the meaning beind the word. Or when we ask her questions she very clear at saying yes or no. Or more. She looks at herself in the mirror too and says me. She also signs me or more along with the word again showing she knows what the word and sign means.

Ariyah first word was her name ar-iy-ah which she said broken down like that but it was coping us and sounding it out. But then her actual first word with meaning that she said on her own was hiya when we got her up in the morning she waved and said hiya. Dad and daddy came after that. Now she talks all the time.


Words ariyah says:
Yeah
No
Hiya/hi
Byebye
More
Milk
Me
Baby
Dog
Cat/kitty.
Dad
Daddy
Dada
Nana
Wow
Brother whilst look at photo of Nico. This was a specail moment.
Then (brov) thanks to her aunty.

Other random words we think we heard:

Drink
Yum
All gone (cat ran away)
Run a few times
Mj and boy (her cousin)
Duck- quack. Once when we saw ducks
Gi (her cousin)
Said aunty once
Tries to say monkey (lots of teddies/ favourite toy)
Bum pooy (few times when changing her)
There are more but I can't remember.


One hard things being trans daddies is that Ariyah-mai has started babbling mumum which all babies do without it having meaning. She has not really heard the word other then recently with her aunty as her younger 3 year old cousins says mummy. Ariyah did say it a few times and it was hard, us being daddies. Getting asked where her mummy is by strangers or how she came into the world if we are together. So that can be hard as it is trying to explain we are transgender and her dad's. Without her now saying mumumu. We realised that she does tend to babble it when she is frustrated. Then said it when eating so we say yum yum to her. She also says me me me alot when again She wants something or more more, which can sound alot like mumumum.Hopefully she becomes more clear with what she is actually saying but at the moment I think it's just bable. Despite knowing this it still hard to hear when we are male and dad's.

(Written in August 2020)