First week of life.

 

1 week old already.

I can not believe Ariyah-Mai is already a week old. It has gone so quick. I can not even remember a time without her now. All that struggle and fear we had over this pregnancy just faded away the moment we saw her and heard her scream. That moment that she looks up at you, with so much love and trust in her eyes is the most magical feeling.

For the first 3 days we were in hospital after having her, this was mainly due to her being 5 weeks early however also with Ben having gestational diabetes it meant they had to test Ariyah's blood sugar levels, every 12 hours for 72 hours. To some extent it was nice to be kept in because it gave us that time to ourselves along with having the midwifes there to help if we had any concerns. Not that we really needed them, as they left us to it, where they saw we were very capable.

Ben was sore and weak after having an operation. He therefore was not able to pick her up, move around, bend or anything really. He was so tired, even more so being in hospital helped by having people around. Lots of the midwives, hospital staff in general including the cleaners and cooks came in to she our daughter. As Ben and I had been submitted into the hospital a few times, everyone got to know us, or heard about our journey. So after losing Nico everyone was there supporting and cheering us on throughout this pregnancy. The staff were just as pleased and relieved when we had her. They all came to congratulate us. We also had the bereavement midwives who we had been seeing after losing Nico and the mental health midwives, come make sure we were coping and how we felt as well as having a cuddle with the baby. It was lovely as we were very looked after in this hospital, other then the occasional health care assistance or cleaner, who did not obviously have access to Ben's notes would miss gender Ben a bit or not understand our situation. On the whole we were treated both as dads, with the respect and acceptance that we needed.

Ben's Aunt and cousin Ellie came up to visit as soon as we had her, she was about 2 hours old. This was so great to share our excitement, with Ben's family. It was great they came to met her, as well as bring us all her stuff. They also came back the next day with some stuff they brought for her and food for us. Ben's other cousin Jade came to see her on the Saturday before she went away. However would not hold her because she was too small. It is so important that he has his families support, so amazing to see them helping us and coming to visit Ariyah-Mai.

On saturday my mum and step dad ( glam-ma and grandpa) came to see their grand daughter. They also stayed to take us home after the paediatrician did Ariyah's checks, blood sugar and discharged us at 7 pm. She had gained a good amount of weight and all observations where great. She did have light Jaundice however was not high enough to need treatment. This meant we just had to keep an eye on her. If she got anymore yellow or was not feeding or having dirty nappies we had to bring her back. Jaundice is very common and is a slightly yellowing of the skin and whites of babies eyes. It happens because their is a higher amount of red blood cells that need to be broken down and released from the body. While in some cases it is fine and will pass in a few days, other babies can get dangerous high levels where they may need to be kept under a UV light or even have a blood transfusion. In Ariyah-mai case it was very mild and we just had to watch and ensure she was feeding frequently as well as not getting more yellow which spreads onto her body. Also the community midwive will keep checking her levels.

We arrived home at 8 pm on Saturday night. At 3 days old we welcomed Ariyah-mai to her new home. I had been home twice this week to clean and sort all her stuff out to ensure the house was ready for our daughter to come home. So our first night as a family was relaxed. We got take away as we both just stared at this perfect little human we had created, hardly being able to believe it. It still felt surreal. Ariyah-mai was a bit unsettled the first night but that was to be expected. She did settle and by the morning was much better.

introducing the cats-
We were a little nervous about bring her home, because we were unsure how the cats would reacted. Especially because we had left them for a week, apart from me or Ben's Nan poping in to feed them. We had not been there all week, then we were bring this tiny baby home. They have been very good and protective of Ben throughout the pregnancy, they would lay by the bump and follow Ben around the house. We had started to prepare them by not letting them in certain rooms as well as leaving baby items in the living room for them to smell and get used to. They were also used to children and babies because of having our friends children to stay or our nieces and nephews. However never a baby so young.

The cats have been amazing with her, at first we brought her into the living room in her car seat and let them come over to smell her, they seemed interested but also not bothered at all. This is really good as we thought Hayes would be too involved and try and lay with her, while accidentally hurting her. Then we thought that Oakley would kept away and nova would be jealous and more against her then the others. But they proved us wrong, they have all been so gentle with her, Hayes comes and sniffs her and licks her head, whilst Oakley and nova sit near her, where ever she is. Nova has even rubbed her head on the babies foot a few time. So this is a huge relief and means we can just enjoy the baby and the cats without worrying that they will attack or accidentally hurt her.

In just a week of life our little one has been very busy. On Sunday we took her to nanny tina's house to met her great granny ann and granddad. as well as her little cousin Logan. Ellie and Tina also had lots of cuddles again. Tina has been amazing support and helped us since she has been born. Logan was so cute asking lots of questions wanting to help prepare her milk. He did hold her but said she got heavy. Auntie Jade also held her now she a bit bigger and we are not in the hospital.

On the Sunday the community midwife came to Tina's to see her and was really lovely, did not really question us about our family instead just accepted us as dad's. She asked Ben about how he was after the c section with all the respected about using male pronouns and rewording questions to be respectful which was amazing. She said Ariyah-mai was doing really well, however was a bit concerned about her jaundice. She measured her levels and they were a little high but still not bad enough to need treatment. Whilst she did suggest we went to A&E to get blood test done just to ensure she did not need treatment for it. Ariyah-mai's first A&E trip at 4 days old. Thankfully the blood test came back fine. Doctor just told us to keep an eye and ensure she is feeding regularly.

On Monday we registered her at the doctor's and got her first checks there. As well as having the midwife come to our house this time. She did the jaundice test and it has got lower, so great that it showing improvements. We could tell our baby girl was feeling better, she looked less yellow and she was feeding great, thus being alert more and less sleepy. She also came back the next day to re-check and it is still going down. She did a spot blood test and Ariyah's weight, she was now 6 lb, 2 oz. Meaning she had gained almost a pound in 5 days. No surprise as she does like her food and is a very happy healthy baby. The midwives also did all of Ben's observations, check this scar and was very happy overall. She is very supportive and bubbly person, telling us how we are doing an amazing job, we have a routine and that Ariyah-mai is developing very well. This helped us relax and gave us some reassurance as every new parents or even those who have already had children still feel worried, and daunting that they are not doing a good job but to know we are on the right track is reassuring.

After the midwife left on tueaday we went to the town hall to registry our baby girl. She is an offical little person, unfortunately we were prepared that Ben had to go down as mother on her birth certificate, this is stupid as all his documents and ID is in Mr and male. But the law is yet to catch on to trans men carring there own babies. Despite this hard conversation with the register the lady was so supportive. Obviously being Confused resulting in having to call someone else, to double check while being intrigued with our unique family.

We celebrated by getting her some clothes and bits that would actually fit her. Our friend Shannon came with us to met Ariyah-mai too.

Today she is 1 week old. I can not believe she had been in this world for 7 days. It has gone so fast and feeling so surreal still. We have been busy and out a lot so now over the next few days we are going to rest, spend time as a new family and just enjoy our precious miracle.

Nico is now a big brother and is watching over her for sure. We have lots of clothes and bits we brought when we were planning for him but it nice to see his little sister in them and know that there is a small part of him in her.


links:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/jaundice-newborn/treatment/

(1 week old October 2019)