A completely different pregnancy.
I do not know if it the stress and anxiety that is playing a role because he is so worried, therefore feeling every pull, pain and twinge. But he is in more discomfort this time with rainbow. He worries himself whenever he feeling a pain which is completely understandable after losing Nico we are both on edge and scared thought out the whole pregnancy. As much reassurance and scans nothing will ease that dreadful worry until rainbow is alive and healthy in our arms.
We just have to try to stay calm, support each other and stay positive. Which I feel we are doing. It is hard because I am staying strong and reassuring Ben while having this inner panic myself. Every time he says he is in pain or his chest hurts or he is not well it is like I am taken back to the day we lost Nico, my heart stops for a second and there is this feeling I can not explain. But once I collect myself, stay positive and know that it is a different pregnancy and it is all okay. Which I have to do pretty much constantly.
On another side it is good that it has been different to the pregnancy with Nico because it helps separate the fact that it is a different pregnancy and a different baby, therefore we can be reassured. We have had lots of moments of panic with early bleeding, worries of infections and really bad sickness leading to dehydration. While scans and test have all been fine, Ben's bloods have come back all good and negative for infection. We are under the specialist midwives team and they are amazing. we could not ask for more.
Other difference this time are Ben's cravings, with Nico Ben did not have any cravings. Instead he had more aversions to foods, went off food or did not feel like eating. This time he has had an appetite and cravings for foods. Just the sickness is not agreeing. He has craved sweet foods, oranges, chocolate as well as Gregg's sausage rolls, chicken and bacon sandwich and pizza. On top of difference in food, his moods have been the opposite. With Nico he was moody, agitated and had a shorter temper. Where as this time he has been emotional, crying more and just generally more sensitive.
We have had 4 scans so far from 5 weeks, 6/7 weeks, 8 weeks and 10. Then we have our 12 week scan next week on the 9th of May. This has helped to comfort us because we have seen our rainbow so, we know they are growing well, with a strong heartbeat.
Ben's sickness has been the worse, he had sickness with Nico but nothing like this. From as early as 4 weeks he has been sick everyday. then the last 3 weeks it has got worse. He is sick 3/4 times, sometimes more everyday. It has got to the point where every time he eats, no matter what time or what it was it come straight back up, within minutes. He was not keeping his pregnacare- folic acid tablets down, literally just water and bread sticks. He was given anti-sickness patches which did not help at all, instead it made him tired, dizzy and gave him blurry vision. He switch to anti-sickness tablets, so far they have helped a bit. He is still being sick often but not as much and is managing to keep most foods down. Although he can only really eat bland, dry foods and fluids. However we are coming up to 12 weeks so it could just be his sickness settling on it's own.
The only good thing is that while it is horrible and his sickness is bad, it is a good sign that the baby is healthy and doing well. Meanwhile we will always have this worry, everything is going well, rainbow is doing well and we have the care we need. More updates on our 12 weeks scan.
Photo of rainbow at 10 weeks.
We just have to try to stay calm, support each other and stay positive. Which I feel we are doing. It is hard because I am staying strong and reassuring Ben while having this inner panic myself. Every time he says he is in pain or his chest hurts or he is not well it is like I am taken back to the day we lost Nico, my heart stops for a second and there is this feeling I can not explain. But once I collect myself, stay positive and know that it is a different pregnancy and it is all okay. Which I have to do pretty much constantly.
On another side it is good that it has been different to the pregnancy with Nico because it helps separate the fact that it is a different pregnancy and a different baby, therefore we can be reassured. We have had lots of moments of panic with early bleeding, worries of infections and really bad sickness leading to dehydration. While scans and test have all been fine, Ben's bloods have come back all good and negative for infection. We are under the specialist midwives team and they are amazing. we could not ask for more.
Other difference this time are Ben's cravings, with Nico Ben did not have any cravings. Instead he had more aversions to foods, went off food or did not feel like eating. This time he has had an appetite and cravings for foods. Just the sickness is not agreeing. He has craved sweet foods, oranges, chocolate as well as Gregg's sausage rolls, chicken and bacon sandwich and pizza. On top of difference in food, his moods have been the opposite. With Nico he was moody, agitated and had a shorter temper. Where as this time he has been emotional, crying more and just generally more sensitive.
We have had 4 scans so far from 5 weeks, 6/7 weeks, 8 weeks and 10. Then we have our 12 week scan next week on the 9th of May. This has helped to comfort us because we have seen our rainbow so, we know they are growing well, with a strong heartbeat.
Ben's sickness has been the worse, he had sickness with Nico but nothing like this. From as early as 4 weeks he has been sick everyday. then the last 3 weeks it has got worse. He is sick 3/4 times, sometimes more everyday. It has got to the point where every time he eats, no matter what time or what it was it come straight back up, within minutes. He was not keeping his pregnacare- folic acid tablets down, literally just water and bread sticks. He was given anti-sickness patches which did not help at all, instead it made him tired, dizzy and gave him blurry vision. He switch to anti-sickness tablets, so far they have helped a bit. He is still being sick often but not as much and is managing to keep most foods down. Although he can only really eat bland, dry foods and fluids. However we are coming up to 12 weeks so it could just be his sickness settling on it's own.
The only good thing is that while it is horrible and his sickness is bad, it is a good sign that the baby is healthy and doing well. Meanwhile we will always have this worry, everything is going well, rainbow is doing well and we have the care we need. More updates on our 12 weeks scan.
Photo of rainbow at 10 weeks.
(written at 10 weeks 24/04/2019)
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