Development and behaviour

 Possible neurodivergent traits. 

Neurodivergent meaning: Neurodivergence is the term for when someone's brain processes, learns, and/or behaves differently from what is considered "typical"

Neurotypical: is a descriptor that refers to someone who has the brain functions, behaviours, and processing considered standard or typical.

There are lots of disabilities or condition that come under neurodivergent term. Such as. 

• Autism
• Add (Attention Deficit Disorder)
• ADHD (Attention Deficit hyperactive Disorder)
• SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder)
• OCD 
• Tourette' s syndrome.
• Dyslexia
• Dyspraxia 
• Some mental health conditions, or personality disorders. 

Ariyah is showing ASD traits. 

ASD is an umbrella term for autism, ADD and ADHD. Which can show in many different way in each person with these disabilities. This is because it is personality based and a spectrum however there are many similarities or traits that indicates is some one as ASD. 

I will explain the traits ariyah has but as I said they can present different in everybody or affect there reactions, and interactions with the world or others differently too. Firstly I will go over other possible asd traits that can present as ASD that ariyah doesn't have the typical traits or development delays. 

So the typical autism traits from a early age are non-verbal or delayed development which is where children may need milstones such as crawling, standing, walking, talking later then typically expected. Also no eye contact not responding to their name, will not play or interact with other peers. Often prefer to play alone or with adults. Other things like stimming is a oviously trait. This can present in many ways but to do with SPD where they are processing sensory input differently. I will go into more detail with this as Ariyah shows sensory issues and stimming separately. 

Stimming – or self-stimulatory behaviour – is repetitive or unusual body movement or noises. Stimming might include:

• Hand flapping, rocking, bouncing, tiptoe walking, shaking head, spinning self or objects, opening and closes doors or switching light switches respectively. Or listening to same noise/song over and over, humming, and repeative speech. 

Those on the ASD spectrum stim for many reasons to manage their emotions, to process sensory input or output. They may do it to calm themselves or when concerntracting. As well as when feeling anxious or uncomfortable as a way of comforting themselves. But for whatever reason it may be they need to stim to self regulate and it should never to stopped or encourage to change these behaviours unless dangerous like head banging or hurting themselves or others then should try and divert into a different way or stim that's safe. Like a chew instead of biting or squeezes and massages can help. Jumping on trampoline or kicking balls to get that frustration and energy out. 

Ariyah-mai's traits and when we first started noticing. 

Ariyah has always be a very active baby, she would never sit still, needed constant entertainment. Even when she was still or asleep she still be twitching in some way, where she tap her feet or wiggle her toes and legs. From a very young ages she was always wiggling. Since about 3/4 months old she was rolling, she even wiggle forward like crawling with her head and pushes off her legs. She sat unaided at 4 months, stood and pulled self up at 5. Cruised and walked holding on at 6 months. Crawled at 7. Then taking steps at 9/10 months and walked at 11 months. She was always on the go from moment she crawled and crushed she never sat still. She didn't play with toys really and needed alot of attention. She nearly babbled or self soothed but was talking and labeling things at 9 months. By 11 months she would spin around constantly, run and had over 50 words. It was obvious she was very advanced and way above her peers. However she was not interested in other children only adults.

 She took ages to eat should foods and very a very sicky baby. This was all put down to her reflux and cmpa. She comfort feed and snacked constantly always seeming hungry but then would vomit. She was on two different reflux meds and specialised milk as well as thickener to help keep it down. It was not until she was over a year old that this settled and she stopped being sick. However still is dairy, and nut free on oats milk, is constantly hungry and eating. She never had constant should bowel movements and still a very sicky toddler. 

She also never slept well. Again this was put down to her reflux. She could never self sooth and still at almost 3 she can't and wakes crying all throughout the night. We had to hold and rock her as a baby due to her choking with silent reflux which is why it was so hard to then get her to not have that need to be cuddled and rocked to bed even over 1 years old. It was not until she was 2 we were able to finally start putting her in bed saying good night and leaving, it took alot and a long time of cuddling at first then laying her down in bed but still cuddling, to hand in her back and singing, to shhing and sitting next to her, then slowly creeping out. We had to do this but by bit until finally it worked. But when she wakes in the night it can still take her a while to go back down. But she is so much better now. She has also been a early riser no matter what routine, naps, bedtimes she still up at 5-6am. Even if we put at parties ect and she goes bed past 10 pm she still up. So not rest for us. 

We knew this was not all just reflux and not normal when we spoke to others with babies with reflux and then when Layton was born and he was an amazing sleeper. From a baby he woke less then she did in the night which was hard having a toddler and a baby awake every few hours in the night in those beginning newborn stage. She a light sleeper to so when he cried or woke she woke up. If we made any noise at all she woke. It was hard to get her to sleep or nap if we was out or if we had people round. Again we thought maybe her being a baby in COVID when it was quiet and just is at home for so long she got used to this but even then she was a bad sleeper. She would only nap on us and we had to rock her. 

We tried everything! Routine, like calm bath, story bed. We limited screen time, we tried milk upstairs in bed, then downstairs with TV. We tried sensory lights, lullabies, night lights, pitch black bedroom, sleeping bags. You name it, we think we cracked it as we try something and she sleep better then we do the exact same and it be back to screaming and waking all night. No matter what we did it never lasted or made a difference. We have others comment how we should leave her to cry and self sooth, but she get into such a state where she hold her breath, choke and was even sick. We could not let her cry it out at all. Not that we believe in the cry it out method anyways. 

The only thing that did make her sleep slightly better was when she decided to take her out at cot at just over a year and put her in a low bed, with duvet and pillow. She never liked being trapped or strapped in prams, high chair ect... I think she felt restricted and she like the freedom. But even now she still does not sleep well at all. 

This was all out first signs that maybe she had something, at first we thought ADHD, with her lack of sleep her inability to sit still, her constantly seeking attention from adults. As she got older she wouldn't play for long and had no concentration at all. We just got oh but that's just toddlers but this was different. As we got older and we watch children her age be able to sit and play with a to, while she just flick between toys, throwing everything, sitting in the boxes or running round in circles it became more oviously it was just a toddler thing.

However again because she was so clever and advanced, her speech was way abrove her age, she followed instructions, answered to her name, had really got motor skills but lacked attention and emotional skills. She were just told by professionals and others that she was advanced and clever. They didn't see the 24/7 constant attention, her inability to wait or have any patients, her tantrums, lack of sleep, pickiness with food, lack of emotional control and sensory needs. 

It was not until she was almost 2 that we then saw traits of autism and started to realise that it was not just ADHD. Our best friend's daughter who 2 years older had ASD and developmental delays. She was one of the limited children ariyah would interact with. As they spent more time together after lockdown and they grow it was apparent how similar they were but different in may ways too, it was meant that now lockdown had eased and we went to more baby groups and met more children ariyah age that we truly saw her traits and uniqueness. 

Also now we are aware looking back of photos and videos all the signs were there but we was in lockdown, she was our first baby. Although me and Ben had both worked in SEND schools and with autistic children it was mainly with boys. And girls and boys can present very different as well as every austic child is different. 

I love the quote 'if you met in person with autism, you met one person with autism' 

Anyways the traits of autism that we now see in ariyah have become more oviously as she grown. She also was so advanced as a baby being above her peers however since 18 months - 2 years she sort of had a regression in some ways but also her development just didn't advanced and now while yes she still very clever her challenges have outshone her and it clear now that her peers are advancing developmentally while she is stuck and they are surpassed her. 

So some of her traits. I will break down in category and explain. 

Sleep- never been good sleeper, still not. She wakes constantly crying and can not express why. She seems to have night terrors and always wakes early. She stopped napping at young age, but went back to napping especially one nights she does not sleep. But can get very emotional and frustrated due to being tired. 

Feeding/eating- never been good, had allergies and reflux. Would and still does comfort feed, as a baby would guzzle milk and feed often and now snacks and eats constantly, but won't eat large meals. She regressed with food as around a year old she was amazing eater, would eat anything however now she will gag at certain textures, she needs food separated on her plate, would eat potatoes, mash, anything slightly squishy, will herve and be sick with certain smells. Had to take the breading off of nuggets, fish ect... She also now starting to chew foods but spit them out. Can't eat skin of things like apples, cucumber, sausages. Will pick and not have attention span for sit for long and eat. 

Speech- was very advanced and would lable things from before 1 she had over 100 words. She spoke in sentence from 18 months and could express her needs. He had exstrestive vocabulary however struggles to answer simple questions. She can follow instructions and her understanding is amazing. She so interesting in the world and how things work and what things are but yet can't also express her own emotions or needs now. She has learnt speech phases and will repeat things this is echolalia. 

echolalia - is when people repeat noises and phrases that they hear. They may not be able to communicate effectively because they struggle to express their own thoughts. For example, someone with echolalia might only be able to repeat a question rather than answer it.

For Ariyah this is were she will repeativly ask the same question even when you have answered her every time. She knows her colours, numbers, letters, animals ect but is asked what colour is this for example she can't answer but if you was to say can you find me a red ball she do it. She struggles with expressing her emotions or needs but can do it. 

 

Motor skills: She has very good fine motor and gross motor, however she will run and jump with no understanding of danger or her own limits, therefore injured herself alot. She spins around but can not stand the tes cups, rides, or car/ bus journeys due to motion sickness. She loves being upside down or thrown around. She tiptoes and rocks too. She still does not hold pencils or cutlery correctly, she can not use scissors eirther.  

Play skills- ariyah doesn't really play, when she does it is respective and learnt playing. Very much adult lead still and she can get very distressed if things are not done a certain way. She has a very particular way of playing and if you try to change that or expand on this she gets frustrated. Her play pretty much is lining toys up, putting things to bed, she say she going park or shop with her baby in her pram but then can not explain or play from there. It goes in circles her baby doll or teddy goes in pram goes shop comes back goes sleep go shop again ect.... 

Or doctors where she throw something and say it's hurt. These role plays are very much mimic from what we tried to play with her or others. She has limited understanding or vocabulary when playing. She only started role playing dressing, feeding, changing and putting a doll to bed after we had her baby brother as she was coping day to day life, that she saw us do. Also I got very sick after pregnancy and had ambulance or doctors round alot taking my blood pressure, heart rate so she then role plays doctors since this. So again real life things she has seen. She more active like being outside at parks or softplays. But even then she will go the same way up softplay to the slide over and over. She won't interact with others unless we know them. And still find it's hard but it's more then interacting first and very adult lead play. 

Emotionally: she struggles alot to process how she is feeling, will have emotional out burst or shut down. When things get too much she can go mute and unable to talk to us or express her feelings, while other times she is hypo aware of others feeling and has empathy with others. If another child is crying or hurt she gets upset for them as if she physical feels the pain. However on the flip side will lash out and hurt us or her baby brother with no understanding that she cause harm. 

She struggles with relationships and what is appropriate behaviour. She is eirther overly friendly or will not go near you. So like she has no understanding of strangers as will will ask to hold or hug strangers hands in the street or shop. She mainly gets attached to adults and crave adults attention other other peers. She does not know how to play or engage with other children especially her own age. As she seems to play with boys more and older kids. She also only really plays or interacts with others who are in the ASD spectrum. This was a highlight to us as she oviously release and has that deep connection that they understand her world and how she is. 

This worried us because she can met someone again mainly adults and be your best friend in seconds, cuddling them and wanting them do do everything for her. Then when it comes to others or children she scream if they go near her, if anyone touches her. She can't share really at all and thinks everything is hers. She gets upset when they are trying to okay as she doesn't understand or know how to play. 

Sensory - This is the big one that made us realise it was not just ADHD. So I will go into more detail. 

Textures. Ariyah has never liked being dressed, she always struggled and ever since she could take her own clothes off she has always stripped. We noticed very young that certain textures like playdough or other messy play she hated and would freak out. I remember halloween being a huge ah moment. She was so excited about pumpkins and became obessed with them, however ones cutting them she really freaked out, not the normal dislike to the inside but full hyperventilating, screaming and meltdown. Even if us or Layton touched it she couldn't stand it and would scream. Then we used a fizzy bath bomb and had the same reaction. But she loved other messy play like foam, hello bath. Other textures came with clothes and food. Like she didn't like tags or certain clothing materials. She had to have soft clothes. She can also be funny with bedding material and has to have a fluffy blanket. 

Food i have explained that certain textures or smells would make her gag or she refuse to eat it. 

Other sensory things were that she loved sensory toys, lights and messy play but could easily become overwhelmed. 

She has pychically sensory needs too like she tiptoed walk from very young. Pretty much as soon as she walked she tiptoed and she still does. She likes to run up and down, spin around and be upside down. However is sensitive to swings, rides or other motions like cars, trains, buses, beanbags. She also loves water but can get very distressed in a swimming pool where she can't touch the floor. It's like the feel of being not in control can really effect her. 

Noise was the big one we noticed even at like 7/8 months. Again at first we put it down to lockdown. As we're were under restrictions were for 3 months everyone was in lockdown in their homes. We only went out to the chemist or doctors appointments. When things started opening up and people were allowed to be outside again, we would talk walks round the block and she would get very startled by cars, or even birds. Again we thought she was not used to these noises. But was we went out more it go worse not better. It became apparent that it was more that lockdown as other children her age who been in lockdown did not have the same reactions. 

But at almost 3 she still is very distressed by noises 

Looking back on photos or videos she can see that she never gives eye contact, if she does it's very quick or she will be looking at our eyebrows, nose or ears. She learnt these techniques to seem like she looking when ask to but it clear to us she doesn't and we no way focus her to now. As a baby health visitor believed she had lazy eyes and was sent for eye screening. They alway can back fine and although she has regular check ups nothing with her sight has ever been picked up. The opticians have comment on her lack of eye contact which we now know is relate to ASD. 

She is so loving in her own way, and is a very clever girl she just has some challenges that with the right support she will strive and we will not let anything get in her way of her happiness and her achieving what she wants. We will ensure she is emotionally support to and gets any support she needs. We will always fight for you baby.

Starting nursery

Starting nursery at 27 months. 

So in January ariyah started nursery part time, we had started to visit nurseries when she was 1 1/2 years as you have to be early now a days to get on the waiting lists. 

There was one that straight away we knew would be right for here as many of the others were small, or she did not interact or get on with. We're as this one she went straight in to play, seemed settled and happy. They had a sensory room. Two outdoor spaces one that free flow as it's covered from the rain. So then can come in and out to play, which is what she needed then a large outdoor space with climbing frame, cars, swings and slide, which they use when weather is nice. They had large hall where they do sports everyday, also a kitchen where the kids bake. So we knew they had everything she enjoyed. They also had the two rooms separate for 2-3. Then 3+ room however they offend mix which is what she also needs as she is advanced. 

So she started in January which didn't not take her long to settle. We had few days of tears going in and coming out but now she walks in by herself and cames out happy telling us what she has been doing. 

We had hard time after the half term and Easter holidays where she had time off then went back again where it took her few days to settle again but she always excited to go in. She made some friends particular one family that we see outside of nursery too which is nice. Then in September when she goes back after the summer holidays so of her friends from other groups will be joining the same nursery. So hopefully it won't take her long to settle. 

Tge only other thing was at the beginning she seemed to get sick alot! Colds, coughs and sickness bugs I believe this is due to covid where everyone especially children her age were all in lockdown as babies when they would of build up immune systems, meaning they didn't get exposured to everyday bugs. Then they all went back to nursery, baby groups and stuff being around each other that alot of bugs and stuff went round and spread quickly as well as them not being able to get over common colds so quickly. Meant Layton also got colds and I'll while still being young but hopefully that means he build up his immune system too, which is good for them in the long run. 

But overall she loves nursery, has settled well and gives her that time away as well as Layton having his own 1:1 time too. 

Toilet training.

 Begining to toilet train. 

Different babies and children are ready at different ages and stages depending on their own development, therefore their is no correct or wrong time to start this joinery. It can be very long and stressful for many or not for others. So the most important thing to consider is when your child and your household is ready. How you do this is also very individual on your own experience, ideas and the child themselves. 

We started to think that ariyah was ready, but was still very young only 14 months. As she would go over the where we kept her nappies and get them out, lay down. She also said nappy or the word bum. Most of the time she did this she had in fact down a b/m or was wet. She also did start to pull at her nappy or try unstick the sides. So firstly we brought pulls ups to make it easier to change her and so she couldn't take them off. 

Meanwhile she is very advanced for her age and was showing signed of being ready. We were shopping and they had cheap potties so we thought let just get one and she how she reacts. We let her choose what one she wanted. Then when we got home we placed it by her nappy bag. She started to go and sit on it oviously with clothes still on, so we removed her nappy and praise her for this. We let her lead the way and only did this to start with when she went over to it. She would also put her teddies on and clap for them which was so sweet.

We continued this on and off for a few months as well as occasionally putting her on the toilet before bath. As time went on we put her in more often during the day, but still kept her nappies one. 

When she turnt 18 months, she was even more keen on sitting on it, she could pull her own trousers and nappy up and down with alittle help at the back. We clapped and cheered for us if she was in the bathroom when we went to the toilet. This showed she definitely understood what the toilet was for. 

Even more so due to the fact we went to stay with our close friends who daughter is almost 4. She is at the end stages of toilet training where goes to the toilet and still gets praise, sticker on her chart for going. If she does a b/m which she still occasionally does have accidents then she gets a chocolate. While we were there ariyah would sit on her old potty next to the toilet whenever gi went. They would clap for each other and get excited. Ariyah also started taking her trouser and nappy off and sitting on the potty herself so we knew then it was time. 

Ones back home we continued with the potty even more. Putting her on in main points in the day like, when she woke up, before or after breakfast, lunch and dinner. Before we went out and then got back home. Before baths and bed. Then in the day we put her on like every 20-30 mins sometimes more if we know she needs to go. Still mostly keeping her nappy on, especially when we were out. But when we were at home or mostly playing in the garden we put her in pants. Again we took her to choose which ones she wanted and when she puts them on she choose what colour she wants to wear. She does like wearing them and will say no if you put a nappy in now. 

So it's still a slow process, she has done a few wee's but mainly poo's as they easier for us to know when she needs them. She has had a few accidents too which is all part of learning. When she sits on the potty we praise her abit like well done for sitting and trying. She will say done and stand up now to. She then started to look in the potty to see for herself if their anything in there. If their is not we say not this time we will try again later/in a bit. She then helps pull her pants and trousers up. Oviously if she has done something in the potty we cheer and make a big deal, she claps for herself and is so happy, giving us high fives. We also give her a sticker which she puts on her potty. She loves paw patrol so we got her them stickers to so even more motivation. 

If she has an accident we do not make a big deal or get mad, we simply say oh no never mind, next time we try get to the potty. We then sit her on the potty to change and clean her up. Saying this is where we go to the toilet. Just so she knows not to be ashamed or upset but what to try and do instead. At first she didn't seem aware that she had an accident, but slowly she now comes to us and says oh no and will go to the potty, which is amazing as she is learning. Children have to have these accident to understand being wet and learn their own body ques to go before it's to late. These are so important for them to learn their own body feelings. 

She is doing so well and we are only a week in. So proud of our baby, we know we still got a long way to go but she is ready and lives it. She gets so proud of herself too. For now we just doing the day and keeping nappy on at night and for naps. Some people may disagree and say that 18 months is to young but she understands. Her speech is very developed to so she can say nappy or bum and she is started to realise and say wet if her nappy or pants is wet. And then looking in potty or pants when she tries and says dry if she not been. 

Again I will keep updating on how she is doing as time goes on. But for now she seems to understand and be really motivated and enthusiastic about it, so we will follow her lead and do what's best for her. 

18 months development.

 18 months!  

How did we end up with an 1 & 1/2 year old? She has just grown up right under our nose. I do not even know where to begin. 

Since my last post back in New year we have had lots happening as a family. These been some stresses and hard times as well as some wonderful ones. There lots of exciting things happening and that we can look forward to as well in the next coming months. 

So update on us and general life, then I do Ariyah's milstones: 

We had my birthday, valentine's, Easter and some of Ariyah's friends first birthdays. However all these have been celebrated in lockdown. So from Christmas and New year the UK went back into another national lockdown all schools, shops and business closed yet again. We all had to stay in. The only good thing this time was that we could have a support bubble having a young baby. So Ariyah was able to see her baby friend and we had adult company to. 

So not to much to report because as I said we were in lockdown. We still made sure we went to the park or had walks because Ariyah needed the air and to get out. It's been harder to entertain her this time round. The first lockdown she was so young and not moving. Now she running and climbing and wants to explore and learn everything. 

I will break down her development into catorgies to make it easier, as she just seems to have grown up so much these last few months. 

sleep

So as you all know Ariyah has always struggled with her sleep, she has never really self soothed, or slept through. they may have been the Odd nights here and there but never consistently. she also needed a lot reassurances to settle. we have always had to hold her, rock and sing to get her to sleep. We have tried multiple different routines and techniques and nothing seemed to work. we lowered her nap times in the day but did not help she still woke and was unsettled all through the night and in the day, without naps.

Me and ben had a talk and decided that maybe we try take the bar side off the cot. she has never liked to be confined from such a young age, she hates being strapped in the pram, high chair anything really. so we decided to just do it, how much worse could it get as she was already up several times, needed holding and sometimes for hours in the middle of the night.  

first night in toddler bed, did not go so bad. the bed guard we were given did not fit her bed so we had to just put a duvet on floor and hope for the best. however she did full off the bed a few times. obviously she did not hurt herself but unsettled her. the next day we got a bed guard that fit and have never looked back. she has had the odd few nights where she has woken but she is so much better. 

we took both sides off and lowered it into a proper toddler bed, still with the guard on and she loves it. she gets so excited to get into bed herself, furthermore sleeping and settling so much better. we transition her slowly from not holding her anymore starting with nap time. At first it was a bit of both we put her in bed and rock her in there, if she got upset we hold her to calm her before putting her back in. this did take serval times in and out at first but slowly it told less holding and she would fall asleep in the bed with her rocking or singing to her. again it did take a while, like over hour to put her then she fall asleep quicker each time. to now at naps she just gets into bed herself, we cover her up and sit by her side with our hand on her back. it takes about 10 minuets most of the time and she naps once a day for about 2 hours. 

bedtime took a bit longer, meanwhile she is getting much better now. there is the off days where she may take longer to fall asleep or wake ones in the night. on the whole she been so much better in a toddler bed. We never need to hold her now  and she falls asleep in her own bed.  

eating 

Ariyah eating has also been amazing, she is such a foodie person. She literally eats so well. She loves her fruit and veg which is great, blueberries and broccoli being her favourite. She will eat whole child size portions sometimes even more then us. She has three meals and snacks throughout the day. She still is on a dairy and nut free diet which has got harder as she growing because we are trying to find snacks that are not the baby bit melts. But we finding different things and making family meals dairy free as she loves pasta, chilly con coni, cottage pie, cassarolle. Any classic family meal rather then chips and things. 

The only thing she does not really like is banana and gone off mash on its own but think it the texture. Which Ben is abit like this. As she eat banana flavoured  food as well as mash in cottage pie or sweet potato. The other thing she not keen on which is good is anything sweet. She does not really like cakes, chocolate or dessert stuff. She eat biscuits if they are plain, or gingery. She definitely like savoury sour or spicy foods. She love cheese, crackers, green apples (these are her fav ATM) 

Another milestone around eating is that she now sits on her own chair which is a IKEA style two step chair (see photo below.) She not strap in and just sits at the table with us. She also has started to use cutlery properly,  by scooping and eating food with a spoon or fork. Next  step we will start to teach her to use knife to cut things. 

Drinking - she drinks alot of water out of a straw or sports bottle during the day, then when at the table eating she drinks oaks milk or juice from a open cup. She then does still have one bottle of her prescription formula at night, which is 11oz. This is due to her being dairy free and using oaks milk as alternative to cow's milk. Oaks milk does not have the whole amount of nutrition that toddlers need therefore the formula still provide everything she needs. 

self care

This again is where she just seems so grown up because it's where she has just come leaps and bounds. She has always been very determined and independent so we have encouraged her. 

Ways she doing this: with her new chair she able to get herself up and down at the table, she can use to at the sink to wash her hands and she likes to help wash up. She has steps stool in the bathroom that she uses to stand at the sink again to wash hands, face and brush her teeth. She also uses the steps to get in and out the bath, we only hold her hands if need as support due to being slippery. Recently also being able to sit on the toilet. 

So toilet training is now is full swing this week. Previously to this she had been sitting on the potty a few times a day just practicing and getting her used to the idea of a potty. She loved it again so determined and wanting to sit on it more and more so we have started to really potty train now. This was help by staying with her older cousin this last week. Who is at the end stages of toilet training now, and ariyah was sitting on the potty or toilet whenever gi was. It's really helped ariyah where we were cheering and giving gi stickers. 

First full day she had a poo on the potty and two accident so far, but yet to wee on the potty. Will do a separate post about this and how it going. 

Other self care, like drinking, eating all by herself. She brushes her teeth and helps wash her self in the bath. She also starting to help get herself dressed. She can take off socks, and trousers. She also put her trouser on and helps pull then and her nappy up. Starting to help more putting tops on, can help put shoes on and her coat. She learning to do Velcro on her shoes and zips. She does put her wellies one herself. She can also get herself in her pram, on the sofa and bed ect.. 

Her self pride is one thing that really come on the last few weeks. Because she claps for herself if she does something and is so proud of herself. When she learns something new she so pleased with herself it's magical to watch. She also will now clap for other is we or her friends do something as well. She really cares for others and herself. She cares about her things too by helping tidy up, clean the house. As well as helping feed cats, as well as helps her little friends by pasting them toys, snacks, dummy ect.. it's amazing to see this caring nature and the emotional understanding ability she has. 

Other self care is noticing and being able to tell us if and where she hurt herself by pointing. If she is teething she will point and say teeth. So we know to help and give her medicine if she really needs it. If she wants a snack or a drink she can lets us know. Starting to ask for help, she does say please and thank you. 

She is also aware of danger, things being hot. She blows her food if it's hot it's very cute. But will leave thing if we say dangerous. Like the fireplace or oven. She also very road safe as she walks very well along the pavement. She also stops at the road and signs and says wait. She then hold her hands. We starting to get her to look both ways or watch for the green Man if at the lights. 

Communication 

Can not even begining to tell you how many words she understand or knows. She is constantly talking now. She copies most words but is using new words each day and has lots of regular and known words. But could guess it's definitely around 200-300 hundred. 

The best things is when she asks for cuddles and kisses, and gives us them. It's so special. She started to ask how are you and saying I love you to us. Those are the best words any parent can hear from their babies. Your daddies love you so much too baby. 

She also started to use two or even three words together. Like 'dad more please'. Drink please, come on, let's go, come back, I did it. These are just a few she says. Her favourite phase at the moment is 'what did you do' or 'oh no'. 

She can answer simple questions by saying yes or no, plus can make a choice from two things. She makes her need known with words like asking us for help, a snack or drink, asking to go out. 

She can lable objects like tree, ball, slide, swing, stairs, chair, table, different animals, book, her toys again just a few examples. She also points out things is you say where is the .... Door ect. She can name about 8 body parts head, eyes, ears, nose, teeth, month, toes and tummy but can point to over 10 when asked. She can say and recognise many animals and do the sounds they make. 

She also learning to use peoples names or pets names showing she knows the cat is a cat but also his name is Hayes. Or saying uncle or aunt then followed by their name, she started to say her friends names too like Ellie. She has also called me and Ben by our names on a few occasions. 

Her understanding of words is amazing, she can perform actions when asked like clap, arms up, touch (object/body part) jump, turn around, sit down ect... She understand meaning of in, on, out, up and down. She can also follow 2-3 step instructions such as. Pick it up and put it in the bin. Or Pick it up, put it back and close the cupboard. These are just two of many examples.

She has started to sing word in songs and does all the actions. She will request certain favourite songs now which are wheels on the bus, sleeping bunnies, wind the bobbin up. She do the actions and sing it really sweet. 

Gross motor.

Ariyah motor skills have been very advance again from a young age. Her head control, rolling, sitting, crawling and walking she did quiet early. By 10 months she was walking and 11 months full walking and running no longer crawling at all. Since then just got more independent, walking and running completely now hardly even needing the pram. She walks 20 mins from town and everywhere local like shop or park. She climbs everything. I mean everything haha tries to climb over sofa, on her little table, toy unit. This is where covid been hard because she really needs a soft play. She is so active it's hard to keep her entertained. 

Ariyah can walk down stairs on her own now and has been able to climbs up the stairs since 8 months. She climbs ladders, and climbing frames at the park and with confidence. She uses ride on toys like balance bike, train toy. She has started to learn how to use a scooter too. She can throw, roll, catch and kick a ball. She can pull and push toys, or objects. She can lift heavy toys while walking. She walks side ways, backwards, tiptoes, spins around, bends and jumps. Think that most of it hard to think what she can do because she has come a long way. 

Fine motor

Fine motor is things I have already spoken about abit like using cutlery, drinking from a cup and helping dress and undress herself. But other things she can do are Turing handles as she now can open doors, and draws. She starting to try turn the key on the door with help too. 

When playing she does stack bricks and toys more then six but enjoys knocking them down more, she can do shape sorter puzzles, and big animal puzzle she has. Some she need help to know where they go but some shapes and animal she can match to place them correctly. 

She has started to getting into painting, and drawing lot recently. She holds the pencil in her thump and finger with correct grip most of the time or when supported to. She then draws and scribbles independently. The last week or so has started to draw circles and lines. She will say a,b,c as she draws which is cute. She can also turn pages, or flaps in a book and mimics reading to herself, babbling along. She lables and points out pictures in the books too. 

She can press buttons and pick up very tiny objects with pinner grip. She can post things. We are going to try threading and peg toys with her soon.

 

Cognative.

I have touched on this alot althrough out the other areas and they are all very much linked. 

However things I have touched on is her learning, babies are like sponge they watch, observe and repeat. Ariyah seems to only really have to see or hear something ones the then pick it up. 

She started counting months ago, by counting as we walked down the stairs, she counts her finger and brick. She been watching counting and learning songs so she sings and counts along. She can count 1,2,3 then says other number like 8 and 10 if you count. 

Ariyah is starting to do alphabet by saying a,b,c we got to e before going back again. He favourite is C she always goes back to C when we trying to teach her. She knows the shape star and can point or match others like square and circle. She also started to match colours and label them. She like purple and orange seem to be the ones she knows best. But will copy and starting to point out if you ask where a colour is. She can match, recognise and label animals. 

She understands turn taking and sharing, and has began to role play. For example she will feed dolls or teddies, banked and talks as she play with figures. 

We could not be prouder of Ariyah and where she is at. She come such a long way from this tiny premmy baby. No matter where you little on in their development as long as they happy and healthy that is all we want for her. That she grows up with self confidence, love and kindness. That she does what makes her happy and is true to who she is. We have lots more to look forward to and so happy we both at home to watch her grow up and spend all this time with her. Watch out for many more adventure and milstones with some very exciting new coming in the new few weeks. 

Some other photos of things we been up too. 

New year 2021

Goodbye 2020- hello 2021 

So as we see in 2021, me and Ben look back on how far we have come in the last two years mainly, then the 4 years we have been together. Summery of this time last year and the year before.

2018-2019 - we had not long lost Nico, we were in bits and broken hearted. We didn't want to go into a new year knowing he was not coming with us. We decided last minute to get away, so we went to Spain for new years. It gave us a chance to just spend time just us, talking and grieve for Nico. To get away from other stresses of life. It really helped me and Ben just re evaluate and start the new year with hope as well as loss for our son. However to look forward and take his memory and spirt with us. As we stood on the beach in Spain, writing his name in the sand, we sent a bottle message out to sea for him and watched the fireworks knowing he was there with us. Counting down with a Spanish tradition of luck by eating grape and drinking cava, to see in 2019. 

After that we had a hard long year again but it also brought us our amazing rainbow miracle. The birth of our second child. Our daughter. She brought so much hope, joy and happiness along with sadness of what could have been with our son. Meanwhile she had his heart and soul we could tell. She was blessed by him and arrived safely after a difficult pregnancy of worry and fear. Early, but health and strong.

2019-2020. We saw in the year with family around, celebrated yet another hard year but this time with our rainbow. As we let off fireworks, cheered and was thankful. We remembered those we lost and loved ones we missed.

2020 brought on it's own challenges with having my surgery, having a young baby. Who had allergies, reflux and was very poorly ending up in hospital a lot. Then with a damp flat meaning we had to move earlier and find a new job and house, with ariyah still being very young. We moved out of London to Kent which desire being best thing we did, there was it's our challenges.

As then came the covid pandemic, a deadly virus which spread the whole world. We were all put in lockdown having to stay in doors. Shops, schools, everything closed. We were not allowed to see family and it was months of restrictions. Then as the summer came the number of cases dropped meaning we had a bit of freedom. We were able to get out see a few people, but social distanced, wearing masks everywhere. But we made ariyah first year memorable. As winter came yet again covid got worse so more restriction and thing were closed ones again.

We celebrated Ariyah's first birthday with a small number of people but luckily we got to do this, as at the time it was a rule of 6 in doors. Before lockdown happened ones more. 

Christmas and new year this year was just me, Ben and Ariyah alone. As restriction of lockdown meant we could not see anyone yet again. We had a close bubble a friend and her son, luckily who we could socialise and met with a few times. 

2020-2021. Sat on the sofa watching the empty streets of London on the TV as they did a live countdown and fireworks still. Looking back over the year being thankful for what we have, people we did get to see and the things we still got to do. Having the house, Ariyah and me and Ben being so strong. Looking to the future with hope ones more for good things to come.

Happy New year everyone, I hope you all stay safe, be thankful and together we will fight covid, we will create a new life, of normality and a future for the next generation to be proud of. 

Christmas 2020

 Ariyah-mai's 2nd Christmas

Last year was amazing with it being ariyah first Christmas however she was only 9 weeks old. So she didn't really understand and slept for most of it. I had also just had surgery was was very busy time.

This year we wanted to make it special, as it felt like her first proper Christmas. We did have plans over christmas to have friends  over and see family however covid restricted that yet again. Now we in Teri 4 which is the newest hightest restriction that basically are the same as the  original lockdown in March. Everything but essential shops closed, no one can met another household even out doors. One exception this time was we were allowed a support bubble which we had originally formed with a friend and her baby when thee 1st lockdown eased. 

Leading up to Christmas ariyah loved the Christmas decorations, as we went for walks she was mesmerised by all the lights and blow up Santa's outside everyone's houses. She got so excited when we went out, we also did some baking, Christmas decorations making and just spent lots of time together. As well as sorting out the house, by having a big clear out and clean. 

We rearranged her bedroom to make it more grown up with a book and toy storage unit her great nanny and grandad got her early for Christmas. Therefore some of her books and toys could go upstairs, she now had her own little sofa and bigger wardrobe. All ready for her new stuff. Me and Ben treated ourself to a new wardrobe and sorted everything in our room and the house out which felt good to have a clear head and house to spend quality time together and relax at Christmas. 

Before the restriction set in we were able to go London and see people, take ariyah and theo to see santa. As well as see our niece and her two Daddies, (who I have mentioned before in this blog)

Then even with restrictions we were able to still make it special. Whilst it ruined some plans but we worked around it, not letting it stop this year being special. 

On the 22nd we had a mini Christmas day with amie our support bubble and the kids. It was very special watching them open presents, play and bond. There connect is magical. Ariyah loves them so much and started really nothing theo, as well as cuddling andd kissing amie which is does rarely to other people. But she got very loving and cuddly with us more too. Wee had a little Christmas dinner then chilled out all together. It was so nice. 

On Christmas eve we gave her some presents others had sent us, then gmdid her Xmas eve box. Which we made, with personlised pj for that night, slippers, a book, colouring book. And crayons, snowman toy and that's not my book. Along with a Christmas late, cup and her own personalised metal cutely set. That afternoon we went to amie's where we did door step karaoke with the street. It was really lovely ariyah was running round, dancing stealing the show. Once home and ariyaah was in bed. Me aand bed build her main presents, put them all under thhe tree and had takeaway. 

Christmas day was very special to watch ariyaah. Walk down the stairs and into the room, seeing her presents thhe Christmas lights she was amazed, saying wow. Her main present from us was a indoor trampoline which she absolutely loved. She was so excited jumping on it. It took her a few time to then actually learn to jump fully in the air. 

Her other presents we scattered throught the day and even on boxing day because she got every overwhelmed with all the new toys to play with. 

My mum step dad did a door step visit to give ariyah her presents few days before, to see her. Then we did a zoom call on Christmas day so they could watch her open them. We also zoomed the whole family to say merry Christmas. We got a glimpse of my newest baby cousin who was born just before Christmas.

On the 27th  my dad and step mum come down to do a door stop present drop off. We did go for a social distance walk with them as they had thhe dog. Ariyah loved trying to run after the dog shouting blue and wooding at him. It was lovely to see them.

The next feww days we just relaxed, and watched films. Ariyah-mai actually sat, cuddled with us for some of the films, in bitss and pieces. But she had lots new toys to play with too. She loved her new baby bits and pram. Feeding them and pushing them around it was so cute. She growing up so mucch and wee aare able to cherish every moment all together and just be together as a family. Making memories despite this year. 

Hopefully 2021 brings more joy and freedom to everyone, that in time we can all get back to some what normal life wee the new life after such a huge pandemic. We wish you all a great Christmas and a happy new year. Here to good things to come. 

1 year of parenting.

            Parenting is hard:                  Everyone struggles!          It's ok. 

We have now reach a huge milestone that our baby is 1 years old. This last year has brought so much joy, memories, sadness, exhaustion and celebrations. But in honest as much as this year as been the best it's also been very hard. I have documented and written about Ariyah's milestones as well as challenges we have faced throught this year. However haven't really be  honest with how I have been, well both of us individually and as a couple. I have hidden alot of the struggles, keeping them behind closed doors. But now I think more then ever it is time to talk about it. I didn't mainly because I was always convincing myself that it was all rosy and would just get better. Which of course it did in time, I feel that is why I can talk about it now

Where as I myself have struggled for many reasons, I have only just really been able to fully talk about my experience in fatherhood, with postnatal feelings. There is a lot of stigma around postnatal depression especially more so for dads then mum's. Fortunately I do not think I fully do have postnatal depression however I have really struggled, at times felt like I was just a failure to our children. It took me a long time to understand these feeling, to then be about to talk to Ben let alone express them publicly. 

I want to write this post because it's okay to not feel over the moon, in love, so happy all the time. Humans have fluctuations in there emotions and state of mind which is all acceptable. Therefore I want to just write this post to show support, breaking that stigma to protest that parenting is hard, harder then you could ever imagine or been told. Obviously it is worth it and there are great high points, proud heartwarming moments, while day to day can be channelling for many reasons. 

I want to break that stigma in all parent but mainly dads or the partner who did not carry the baby. 

So as you will all know if you been following or caught up reading all my post you will be able to recall that the pregnancy was very high risk, stressful and just terrifying. Due to losing Nico, then not having large amounts of support it made it harder. Then there been many challenges we were not prepared for. 

Some of these are physical, or just life environmental happening while many were emotional. Some of the points that presented as challenging as and that we found very difficult were-

Reflux/silence reflux- this was hard from the very beginning. Where Ariyah-mai was projectile vomiting everywhere all the time. She screamed in pain, especially when she was put down or laid on her back. None of us got any sleep and she still is not a good sleeper. To watch your baby grunnt,, cry, vomit andd choke, knowing their in pain and there was nothing we could do to stop it. 

She ended up in hospital being tube feed, then many other times because of rashes, food reactions or just general being so unwell because of her reflux.

At times as a parent it felt like we could not help her, nothing we could do would calm her, make her sleep better or anything. We were having to watch her suffer, being soo ill but not being able to do anything. With the constant crying, arching her back, not feeding regularly, vomiting and complete lack of sleep this make us tired and snappy at each other. It made things just difficult. We felt, well I felt useless at times by not being able to calm her down or get her to sleep. I felt I was failing her, I didn't know her cues, she wouldn't settle or sleep and it was very frustrating at times. 

Mainly as she got older and heavier. When it's 2am and she already been up since midnight. We be rocking her, as she would arch her back, wiggling in discomfort, just trying to get comforty. She is 21lb now so not light to hold for long periods of time anymore. However we cannot put her down until she is sound asleep because she wake up instantly! It is like a light bulb she could be snoring away but as you lay her down she be wide wake chatting and smiling. She got used to being held from a tiny baby due to the reflux, because she had to held upright after every feed, or she would choke at night. Thus us having to hold her, too afraid to put her down. So now it's her comfort, she has to be cuddled and rocked to sleep. Which is fine getting her to bed (easily) with her milk but when it's early hours she will not settle. We have tried everything and at our wits end. 

On top of this there are all these pressure as parents to sleep train your baby, getting judge if they are not sleeping through the night or cannot self sooth. That they are reaching milestones and don't ever cry. But in most cases this doesn't happen. Majority of babies do not sleep through the night in their first year of life. Even if they do it may be the odd night or so because sleep regressions, teething, illness anything really can disturb a babies routine or sleep patterns. Therefore why do we put so much pressure on ourselves and our babies. They need a cuddle for reassurence, love and comfort, it's a need! So please do not feel bad for providing that to your baby. 

Let break this stigma and pressure instead supporting each other as parents rather then judging each other. Because there is no one way to do things. No right or wrong. People have there own ways and each babies is different with their own needs. We all know partening is hard so we need to be raising each other up. Not making it harder! 

One major challenge for me was when I had my chest surgery back in December, it was tough going in terms of my recovery as I was unable to hold or feed her. Ben was looking after us both, which I have always felt I owned him for. Not only was he caring for me he also had her at the hardest time with her reflux and allergy flair ups. My step mum was great help but no one else bothered to help Ben! This meant he was tired and struggled. I felt useless, selfish and bad on him. 

Additionally we got lots of pressure from everyone as they told what we should or shouldn't be doing from loved ones around us, to those online. Whilst we know they were trying to show their love and support it never felt that way. We felt judged, useless, defeated. Medical staff were no better, our health visitor was never available, we had to fight gp, hospitals and others for the right care for Ariyah. Being told she has no allergies, that it's colic or she just fussy. To just give her water for constipation when she hadn't been for over a week and she in agony with stomach at just 3 months old. Told she had a cold or bronchitis when it was reflux. But we did just that we fought for the right care until we finally got dietian and the right care when she was 7 months old. 

Then we had the damp mouldy flat we're we lived in one room for two months, this did not help ariyah health, sleep or our sanity. Again family putting added pressure on us, especially Ben's family who were not accepting me as Ariyah's dad. Would voice that my family were not her blood, in front of me too! This again made my mental health worse. I already felt useless due to having surgery because I was unable to help Ben much, I felt I had not been able to fully bond with Ariyah-mai. She Was only 8 weeks when I had it and until about 4/5 months I werent able to fully hold her. I could if she was sleeping, or I could  start the feed but then she get wiggly, arching, be sick or need burbling  Ben had to take her. I could rock her or get her to sleep, could not bath, or change her. Because she was such a determined, active wiggly baby. My role were to sit on floor and play which isn't bad, or cuddle her when she was asleep but meant Ben was doing all the hard work. His family reminded us of that and made me feel really low. They also said I controlled Ben as il tell him what to do, or take her off him  to have cuddles. But I couldn't do much else. So this put alot of rain on our relationship, mental health and just general wellbeing. The mouldy flat was a reason we moved but more so to get away (as was planning to move just damp made it sooner) 

Again we got so much grief moving, saying I made Ben move away, I controlled him. We were taking Ariyah away from her only blood family. That we were moving closer to my family (which is not true). We moved to be in the middle of everyone. And to a place were I had a job. 

After all this we had covid and a national lockdown, just as we moved. Meaning we met no friends, no baby groups, no parks, soft play, shops, no work, nothing. We both were struck in doors together with a new house and sick, active baby. This came with a whole load of different kinds of stresses. 

All these stress, external factors put a strain on our relationship :

Me and Ben have had a real difficult few months, due to lack of sleep and exhustation we would snap at each other, get into silly argument over nothing at all. Which I know is all normal and to be expected with all that's happened this year however, adding in our past, mental health and just lots of mixed feelings we really did hit a real low. 

We realised we kind of fell out of love, obviously we still cared and loved each other, muddling through each day. But we both did not show each other that love, affection or appreciation like we used to. Things just got in the way. We had no time for ourselves or as a couple which put strain on everything too. With lockdown we were unable to have any time without ariyah for like date nights or even to just sort things out. Ariyah being poorly, teething constantly and just an active sleepless baby meant we didn't get a break. When she was asleep at night finally the few hours before she would wake again. We were sorting the house, painting, unpacking, cleaning ect... Before crashing out ourselves. 

So yes we did make each other feel unloved, unappreciated and just worthless really, it was like we were all just living day to day, on robotic routine. It had to get really bad for us to realise what we had to loss.

Meanwhile we wanted to try and fix things, we loved and care and deep down we knew that. The amount we been through we wouldn't let anything get in the way of that. 

We are in a better place now then before, we have rekindle our marriage. Thus best of all feel in love all over again. The feelings are like when we first met, now even stronger. Now we are stable and in such an amazing place. I can now write and share the experience we had other these last few months well this year of 2020. 

Ariyah being poorly, my surgery, moving homes, changing jobs, covid virus, lockdown, family break ups, Ben starting homrones again, me coming off. Its been a crazy year. 

But the most important thing we have learnt is talk!!! Communication is so important. We stopped talking, telling each other how we felt. We argued instead of saying what was actually wrong. Instead of planning or working things out together we just fought against each other. We didn't support one another or ourselves. We put ourselves down with negative thoughts and let over people get to us. 

This broke us, it distroyed our relationship, our own confidence and self worth. But I am so thankful and lucky we found a way back. It was the help of a great friend who realised and support us to face how we felt and truly talk and listen to each other. From there we were able to have a real adult conversation where we got everything out in the open, our deepest feelings that we both hidden for months. This is only when we were able to then see how bad it had got, while we could resolve most of it and fix it. There are still days we're we both struggle but we support each other now, raise our own worth as well as each others. This is all we needed to do, support each other and talk more in order to deal with daily stresses. I love Ben so much, he is so caring and has the kindesss heart, he lost his way in himself too just as much much as I did. I am so happy and glad we have sorted it out together. I feel like not only have I got my husband back, I've got myself, our life, future and dreams back on track. We know what we need and want. Lucky dispite us losing our ways we never let it effect our parenting and put ariyah first. She is striving and doing amazingly. We so proud of her. I feel me and Ben can truly treasure these moments because she is growing so fast. We can actually start being a family, planning for the future and just being all loved and excitement again. I know we can get through anything together now, that we both hit rock bottom individually, as parents and as a couple. 

So here to speaking out! No matter how you feel what's going on talk to someone, anyone. Even a stranger online like me as always here to guide and help others. That what all these blogs are about and why is started them after losing our son. So here to breaking the stigma, raising above mental health and fighting back. It's going to be a long road and it's not easy but its okay to feel however you do, it's okay to have bad, dark days, what's important is raising back, supporting each other and loving yourself. 

I now feel in a much better place, don't get me wrong it's not changed overnight, but I know I do have people who love and support me. That I am enough for our daughter by just being her dad. Loving and caring the best I can for her. Along with being a good husband by supporting Ben. More so I have learn to love myself again, to have confidence even if I don't feel I'm doing a good job. But to know I'm trying, which is what matters. That in time we will get there and got an amazing future to look forward to. 

#mentalhealth #postnatledepression #mencancry #transdads #breakthestigma #loveyourself. 

Developmently updates

12 months development 

I thought il just do a generally update in how ariyah is doing since turning one. As she is just developing so quickly now that we can't keep up. She is her only little person, amazing us with cleverness everyday. 

When ever we are out and met other parents at park ect they always ask how old ariyah is because she is tall and so advanced, she so social and goes up. To other younger toddlers to play and talk to them. We then chat to thee parents and they are always amazed by her age thinking she older when most of thee time their kids are 18 months plus. This makes us realise how grown up and deterimed she is. How clever and tall she is. Like just seeing her against old toddlers seeing her milestones it is so amazing. We are proud of her so much and push her curiousness about the world. We do push her, give her opportunities to strive, so I believe this is why she is going so well. 

So it made me curious to why everyone reacts the way the do when she does something or when they find out her age. So I started researching different age milestones and what she should be doing at her age considering she premmy too. Which it was her original due date on the 20th (last week) 

I made a list of words she has and things she can do just for our own records but wanted to share with you. So she now 13 months but 12 months corrected. 

However first I will go through average milstone for this age at 1 years old-18 months then 18 months plus again for our records but so you can. See what are the gernal developmentle stages. These are by no means the same for every baby. Many babies develop at there own time. I will also add in whhat things are red flags and if babies aren't doing certain things it went you should speak to a health professional. 

12-18 months:

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6474/milestone-chart-13-to-18-months

18 months + 

https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a6472/milestone-chart-19-to-24-months

These words Ariyah can say, whilst the does copy many other words and sounds. Thee ones listed are words in her language on a daily bases that she actually understand what they mean, says them in context. As well as understand when we say them.

1. Hi, hey, hello
2. Bye bye
3. Night
4. Daddy, (ben)
5. dad or dada (Shane) 
6. Dads (both) 
7. Baby
8. Nan/nana/nanny
9. Cat (also says haye's name who is our cat.)
10. Mewo 
11. Dog (luna this is a close family friends dogs name)
12. Bark 
13. woof. She says this after the dog does it. 
14. Duck
15.  quake
16. Baa to sheep. 
17. Dance
18. Clap
19. Jump
20. Look
21. Shoe
22. Walk
23. Run
24. Out
25. outside
26. Sit
27. Up 
28. Down
29. Open
30. Park
31. More
32. Me 
33. mine
34. Milk
35. Bottle
36. Snack
37. Breakfast
38. Drink
39. Bubbles
40. pop 
41. Ach (for pain) 
42. No, nope, nar
43. yeah, yep,yes
44. Thanks /tar
45. Bath
46. Bed
47. Nap
48. Stairs
49. Ball
50. Catch
51. Oh no 
52. Wow
53. Oh
54. Aww
55. Bum
56. poo (when we changing her) 
57. Row row row (the boat) 
58. Rock (rocking horse) 
59. All done 
60. Gone
61. Wooo
62. Yum
63. yummy 
64. Run
65. Play
66. Stuck
67. Sit
68. There
69. Pretty
70. Help
71. Book 
72. Read
73. Boo (peek a boo)
74. Mum (when annoyed)
75. Bear
76. Nay to (horse)
77. Swing
78. Wipe (cleaning) 
79. Door
80. Happy
81. Help 
82. Theodore (her friend) 
83. Amie (theo mummy)

Maybe missing some as she  does copies other word that are said. 

phases she likes to say also:

See you later

Here you go 

Peek a boo

It's there 

I did it 

No thanks (cheeky)

Signs language - that she can do and understand. 

Dirty

More

Finished 

Milk

Me

Things she can do:

• Walk
• Run
• Able to advoid or step over objects when moving around
• Walks and crawls backwards 
• Steps up and down small step, curbs ect. 
• Climb (everything) 
• Rolls (forward roll with help)
• Crawl (doesn't really anymore)
•  stands up alone
• Feed self with untensils and drinks self
• Drinks from cup with help
• Helps dress self
• Takes off shoes, and socks
• Tries to put back on.
• Brushes teeth
• Helping to wash self and washes her hands
• Brushes hair
• Jumps (just starting to get off floor)
• Response to name and know who other familiar people are by name.
• Nods for yes
• Put objects in and out of container 
• Follow directional instructions Eg. in bedroom, this way, come here. 
• Throws ,Rolls, Bounces, catchs and kicks a ball
• Flicks through book
• Follows one step simple instructions eg.. Find ball, give daddy the toy ect...
• Copies actions 
• Points to things she wants
• Point to lable and identifying things we ask
• Walks up and down stairs
• Gets on and off furniture saftly
• Dances
• Starting to sing
• Pushes buttons on toys
• Does puzzles
• Claps
• Waves hello and bye
• Blows kisses
• Gives hugs and kiss 
• Touches head, toes, knees, belly, eye on demard
• Hides
• Know where others nose, eyes, ears and month is. 
• Waves arms and puts them up 
• Understand objects uses keys for door, cup for drink ect... 
• Care for friends gives them dummy, milk, food, toys ect.
• shares things with others
• Role play- feeding baby doll, or teddies.
• Pushes toy cars/train makes noises (drumm or chowchow) . 
• Squats to pick up toys and stands back up
• Walks and pulls along or carries large toys
• Draws and scribbles
• Plays with cats by pulling string or toy along floor for them
•  open doors /cupboard and draws
• Pushes and pulls objects (pram/trolly)
• Plays her musical instruments correctly. Including blowing on recorder
• Plays peek a boo
• Interacts and, initiates play with adults and other children 
• Like to knock things, stack and take things apart
• Gives high fives
• Recognise self in a mirror or photo. 
• Strokes animals 
• Communicate her wants and needs easily
• Match two of the same objects 
• Points and labels things in a book
• Imitates talking on the phone
• Understanding size off things when something to big or small. 
• Planning ahead to make decisions of what to do
• Helps around househee loves to clean and hoovering
• Puts finger to month and says shhh
• Loves soft toys. 
• Slides down slide herself, will push the swing. 

She says ach and points to teeth or painful places if she hurts herself.

Tantrums have started and gets frustrated so can hits, bits, pinches, but knows when told off. As she starts pushes boundaries we are starting to do small time outs when she does something that is dangerous or hurts others. 

Ariyah-mai is 1

 Happy 1st birthday 

Our rainbow is 1, this happened in a blink of an eye. I can't believe we noww have a one year old. Thhe time really does fly by and glad we  herished ever moment and I hhavee been able to document her jounery in this blog. Especial her milestones, funny little things and all her adventures. So as she grows up she can read through these post and know how she was as a baby. It's very special to have these memories.

We wanted to makee her birthday special and planned a hug party at our house, we Brough so many decorations handed out invites and had many plans for games cake smash ect.. 

But... Due to covid and this current virtual pamedic spreading the glode. Moore restrictions meant we could only have up to six people in our home at ones. This meant completly no party! We were devistated at first as we planned it and wanted her to celebrate being one. But also being our miracle rainbow who we didn't think wee ever get to this milestone as a family, so Wass even more to treasure and celebrate. All taken from us people people could not be sensible and stop thhe spread.

However nothing we could do so plan 2 it was. So we had to stragger people coming round to see her. We had Ben's 25th birthday the weekend before and his cousins 6th. So ariyah ended up with a month of birthday celebrations.

First of the celebrations began the first weekend of October. My mum and step dad ariyah gran a and grandad come over, we had some takeaway ariyah got first taste of KFC. Then they gave ariyah her presents. She loved the tea pot that sung. It come with little cups and cakes to role play with. This is technically older toy but straight away shee surprised us poring thee tea pot pretending to drink for the cups and giving them to us too. This kind of role play is very advanced ad wee aall could tt believe it. She amazes us everyday. She Wass also feeding her baaby the cakes. This is has started doing with her snacks, feeding her toys teddies aand baby. 

Next day we went to margate to have a joint birthday tea party for her and her big cousin. We had balloons party food, with some other cousins joining in, they played and danced. It was lovely as ariyah Hadd just started walking too so she was up running and  dancing with her older cousins. We estranged presents and had cake. Singing happy birthday to them both. It was ariyah first experience of blowing out a candle bless her. And opening presents because she Wass to young to understand at Christmas.

Next celebration was Ben's birthday weekend, we had our friends round Ron and scott with gi. Where they gave Ben aand ariyah there presents, the kids played sand we had cake. Again singing to the both. Ron had made a dairy free cake.

On Sunday was bbens birthday, we actually spend day with close friends at soft play, our friend then had ariyah for a while whilst I took Ben out for nandos. It was nice to have some just us time. 

After that we had the lead up to her birthday where presents were sent from family we couldn't see, we had zoom chats to other family and friends. On Thursday ariyah other cousin on my side who are 2 1/2 twins, and 14 month old. There is like 8 weeks between thee girls which is lovely for them to grow up together. So I was at work but managed to. See them abit before the left. But they had aa good day with mc Donald's and playing. More cKe aand presents too. My cousin made dairy free chocolate brownies and cupcakes which was sweet of her.

Actual birthday day

On Friday ariyaah actual birthday. Me and Ben stayed up all night decorating the living room ready for her in the morning. We placed all her presents out and made cake. Could wait to see her face in thee morning.

So Friday came we both got her put her in her birthday outfit and took her down stairs. Ben carried her as I filmed her reaction. She was mesmerised, standing there saying woow. It was the most presious thing. As she run jumping on the balloons. That morning wee spent playing, opening presents doing little photoshoot. And had pancakes andd chocolate brownies for breakfast.

Sadly I had to go to work, but Ben sent me pictures. She took her out in her new trike. 

When I got home, we had ariyahs little baby group friends over. Keeping to rule of 6ish (babies not included) it was lovely seeing the playing, opening presents together. We then did a cake smash where we first sung happy birthday then just just put the cake in front of ariyah and llet her grab it and eaat it, smashing it up. Her friends then joined in and they all got every messy, but had three happy babies eating cake. It was so messy but so much fun.

She had a lovely birthday but was very tired and did get overwhelmed with the llresents and that was just in a small group. We actually realised it was a good thing we had to slit it up because she would have gotten so overwhelmed and stress. 

Next day came, I took her to ballet while daddies Ben had well deserved rest time to himself. We got to see our ballet friends, danced and played. After ballet we stayed talking to onee of the family from ballet who we formed a bubble with. (this is term for the small groups in which people can interact with due to covid restrictions). They are a lgbt family which is great for ariyah. So her friend brought hher a present and we gave him some of her birthday cake.

After we numbed into Ron and gi as she goes ballet at the same place afterwards. So we hung around and got some lunch with them after. It was nice to spend more time with them as unfortunately girl don't get to see to much of each other because of the virus, making traveling and stuff without cars too risky for them. 

When we got back that afternoon Ben's olld youth worker friend, ariyahs auntie came to see her. She took us out for dinner which was lovely. She was so surprised how grown up ariyah had got since she last saw her. As it had been a few months. We were meant to have more friends came with her however they were in London which unfortunately as of Friday night went into tougher lockdown restriction where they could not mix with other households. This was sad as ariyah would have met her tiny baby cousin. But we make sure we catch up with them. 

On Sunday mum dad and step mum came over, my brother and his girlfriend were meant to also but again him being in thee navy and covid he got called back to base early because number as rising again. We arranged to facetime them and see them hopefully before Christmas. 

But yes we had a lovely Sunday with her grandparents. More cake, presents and food, what more could she need. 

Over all see had a great birthday month. Now leading to her first proper Christmas as shee. Was too young last year. Oh andd Halloween next too. We have lots planned and will keep you all updated. 

I will still continue to blog where I can however many be less updates and more events and bigger milestones now. Bfurthermore I want to thank everyone who wished hher happy birthday, who has followed our story from the beginning and just supported us. 

She is getting so clever and grown up, to much for her own good I think sometime. Our  little saying 'let your boy catch up with your brain' still very much is her moto. She so advance and wants to do everything but sometimes forgets she is still little. She funny and sassy getting a really little attitude and humer now to. She always laughing and smiling and generally is such a happy bubble baby. She has crazy weird little quirks which we love.

including, putting musy over her head and running around. We could not be prouder of her and just over joyed to have shared her precious first year. To be here after thee loss of Nico and just she herr grow everyday is aa treasure. We know he Wass celebrating with us this weekend, he is always watching and guiding us. With this little spirt living through his sister. 

Onwards to our next jouneries.